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Romance Scam

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Boyfriend scammed - not sure what to do

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concernedGF
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Re: Boyfriend scammed - not sure what to do

Postby concernedGF » Tue Aug 30, 2016 11:55 am

I have talked to him about the possibility of people calling him to say they are going to try and get his $ back. His scammer left a message that she was in the US and had some of his $ with her. I am not happy that he did text her back, but it was basically to tell her to F off. I am concerned that if he did talk to someone he wouldn't tell me because the thinks I would not approve. He keeps saying to me "but don't you think I should try to get my $ back?"
I try to very gently say that it is gone, and that they would only try to draw him deeper into the web. I try to not refer to the scammers as "She" or even say her made up name. I refer to them as a collective.

I am just trying to be supportive and can't help being protective. My BF will not go on this site or other support groups, so I am learning all I can. I wish he would just see how so many other people have a similar story and that he is not alone in this so he can heal and move on.

Thank you everyone.

Re: Boyfriend scammed - not sure what to do

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Igulinka
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Re: Boyfriend scammed - not sure what to do

Postby Igulinka » Tue Aug 30, 2016 1:53 pm

GF

It's very hard to brake from the scammers and especially when you are adult you think you can do whatever you want. As you see in the topic you posted the info "she" is a porn star and you know that no one is in US with his money. There is an another type of the scam - continuation of initial scam called "recovery scam" where promise of pay back is made, catching the criminals etc but you need to pay for the services. Scammers give victims time to cool down and then they strike again. It is very crucial not to let them to be controlled.
Please inform him that FBI says whoever filled IC3 complaint and still continue to communicate with the mafia will be most likely treated as an accomplice and never a victim. That's why he needs to STOP. He got already in huge mess and makes it worse. There is no even one example for years of existing of our site that scammers returned money.
Below is the partial info where the money goes:

What's left over is spent on pleasure, gambling being at the top of the list. Most con artists have empty pockets within days of perpetrating a scam.
In the case of Nigerian and Eastern European-style scammers, in addition to personal pleasure, real estate, and luxury items, money is put into other criminal enterprises such as international theft rings, drug trafficking, human trafficking, organ harvesting, kidnapping rings, electronics, scam ring expenses, and funding terrorist activities; Al-Qaeda, Boko Haram, Islamic militant groups and ISIS type terrorists.

That is why he needs to let go so he won't be associated with those activities.

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Re: Boyfriend scammed - not sure what to do

Postby Wingman182 » Tue Aug 30, 2016 5:43 pm

Hello concernedGF and thank you for the update. It is also very good to hear that you have been trying to be as supportive as you can with your BF.
But you are correct about his lost money. It can be put to him softly, or extremely blunt. The result will still be the same. No criminal will ever freely give back anything they had stolen unless made to by the courts, or law enforcement. And this will never be the case for any of us.
This is an international crime based out of countries that turn a blind eye to these activities. The combination of corrupt law enforcement and politicians makes any effort to achieve any form of justice near impossible.
In fact it has taken years to get countries like the United States and the U.K. To even acknowledge the fact that romance scamming is indeed a crime in the first place. And it has been an up hill battle to achieve the level of recognition we have today. And even that still has a long way to go.

As far as trying to get your BF here, in the end it is entirely his choice. Though I do agree with you that he could benefit from coming here greatly. And not just for the stories here that would show him that he is truly not alone. There is also everything he could learn about this crime as well that would be a benefit.
And here's the thing. He dose not have to post, or even sign on with this site as a member to gain these benefits. R.S. Is completely open to the public for that reason. Membership only gives the ability to post in the various forms. So if his reasons are shame, embarrassment, or just plane old male pride these feeling can be avoided.
We have a saying among victims. “We all heal in our own way and in our own time”
For example;
Some heal by posting only the parts they feel comfortable with sharing.
Some need to get everything off of their chests.
And some heal just from reading this site without ever posting a single word.
Perhaps this may change his mind about at least giving this site a visit.
But if he feels like he is being pushed or pressured, or if this starts to cause any friction between the two of you everyone here will understand if you have to drop the subject.

However I can not stress strongly enough that your BF refrain from having any contact with the “collective”
(I like that word) And it is not just for his own protection as Igulinka has already explained.
It is too easy to slip up when confronting any scammer and educate them as to how the victim knows the truth.
Scammers will learn from any of the mistakes they have made. And will use it to modify their techniques and improve their game with the next victim.

Finally if your BF decides not to join us here please keep the updates coming.
We are more then happy to help you. And it will be good to know how your BF is improving.
It's nice to hear good news for time to time.
Wingman182 Pay It Forward

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asbury207
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Re: Boyfriend scammed - not sure what to do

Postby asbury207 » Tue Oct 04, 2016 12:40 pm

It is very difficult to understand the how these scams work unless you have fallen for one yourself. These scams affect people from all walks of life from the very educated person to the not so educated - from people with money to people with not so much. The key characteristics of someone who might be vulnerable to these scams are age, over 40, loneliness, and having no knowledge of these scams. If all of these things exist in a person who is trying to date online you have the prime setting for someone who might fall for a scam.
Please do not be too hard on your boyfriend. He needs to dump the scammer. He needs to block everything and get rid of her. In my opinion, if you truly have feelings for him then you might want to try to understand what he is going through. I have not heard of someone who is in a relationship who is still having problems with ties to scammers. It does seem that he should have moved on.
Do not underestimate these people. They are very, very skilled liars and manipulators. The false sense of intimacy that is created through texting cannot be underestimated. The deep feelings that develop on the victim's side cannot be discredited. The false dreams that these scammers help you create - although you don't know at the time that they are false dreams - are illusions that are hard to dismiss from one's mind.
If you decide to stay in this relationship you will probably need to understand these scams. There are numerous books out there and there is really good information online. Books on brainwashing, Juju spells and the Nigerian culture - or whatever culture the scammer lives in - were also helpful to me.
I fell for someone who was a scammer based out of Nigeria. However, I could not find any information on him online. I googled and googled. I contacted the United Nations in New York City for information when he told me that he needed a certificate for work. I also contacted the company that he said he was contracting with in Benin City. Both of these people told me that they were almost 100 percent sure that he was a scammer. However, I had fallen in love. I wanted so badly to believe. And so I continued to believe this man - even though I had started to have concrete information in front of me that he was not who he said he was. I had built a life with this man - so I thought. I just needed him to come home. I was imagining our life together....these dreams filled my head when I slept and my day dreams when I was awake.
I finally did a background check with a company who has connections in the three countries that this person said he lived, was born or had traveled. They could not find ONE shred of evidence that this person existed. The passport that he had given me was fake, the birth information that he had given me was fake, the College that he said he went to had never heard of him, there was no record of this "American" crossing the Nigerian border in the past three years, the Nigerian attorney that he said was helping him did not exist....and the list went on. But did I believe this - yes I did but I was unwilling to give this man up. And he continued to try to convince me that our love overcame everything......that no one should know about us and that I should continue to trust and believe him.....and to send him money. I would block him for a few days and then find myself missing him and then I would go back.
There is much more to my story....but you have not come here for my story.....you have your story. My advice to you is that if you love your boyfriend then try to help him. Try to understand this. Try to empathize and sympathize. This is the best site that I have found. Not only is there really good information here but there are people who are willing to spend time with you explaining and helping you through this. I would advise you to get to know them.
Good luck to you. This is a mighty battle that is fought with everyone who has recovered or is in recovery from these scams. Take care of yourself, get sleep, get help. I hope things go well for you and your boyfriend.

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asbury207
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Re: Boyfriend scammed - not sure what to do

Postby asbury207 » Wed Oct 05, 2016 1:05 am

Clearly I did not read the entire post before I posted my reply.

You need a really good attorney. I'd get one quickly.

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Re: Boyfriend scammed - not sure what to do

Postby keira » Sun Oct 09, 2016 11:02 am

Hi, asbury207, can you write something more about Nigerian culture, juju and brainwashing, that was helpful to you, please?

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Re: Boyfriend scammed - not sure what to do

Postby concernedGF » Tue Nov 15, 2016 12:26 am

Hi everyone:

Update: No one contacted my BF at all since he broke off communication in July. After a few empty threats from the lawyer character about reporting him, guilt trips from "grandma", the B herself asking him to meet up to give back some $, finally "she" texted him that she was in Philadelphia and met someone else. I guess it was a last ditch effort to get him to make contact. Thankfully it seems to be over. He is working through it and healing, but really doesn't want to talk about it. I'm here if he needs me.

Thank you everyone for all of the advice and support.

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Re: Boyfriend scammed - not sure what to do

Postby Igulinka » Tue Nov 15, 2016 1:17 am

concernedGF

Nice to see you changing your tone and being compassionate to this man. Hope his healing proces will not be so painful with a woman like you at his side. Great progress :)
Confronting the scammer is WRONG!!! DON'T enlighten criminals with your wisdom. REPORT & BLOCK.
PHOTO VICTIM - "Do not confront the owner of the pictures, as they are victims themselves! You will only serve to further the terror and harm !" Silence Is Golden!!! I speak Polish.

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Re: Boyfriend scammed - not sure what to do

Postby Wingman182 » Thu Nov 17, 2016 6:11 pm

Hello concernedGF and thank you for the update. As I've said before it's nice to hear good news from time to time. And this is very good news indeed.
You are also most likely correct about that last ditch effort. Glad to hear it was wasted effort on their part.
But most of all I am glad to hear that he is working through what had happened. Even if it's just within the solace of his own thoughts.
As we say; We all heal in our own way and in our own time.
And if this is the way that is working best for him then there is no need to rock the boat. :cool:
Wingman182 Pay It Forward

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Re: Boyfriend scammed - not sure what to do

Postby concernedGF » Tue Nov 29, 2016 2:54 am

Another Update: My BF was contacted by someone from the FBI today in response to his IC3 report. I am so completely untrusting that I suggested that my BF call the local field office to confirm before he has a conversation with the agent. The email he received looked legit - it included a copy of the IC3 report and had the agent's name and the phone # he called from. The agent only provided some information that the "cell" has moved onto much larger targets such as acquiring real estate, etc. My BF did not say much, and only confirmed the info that was in the report. Still...I don't trust it. Any advice on what to do, say, not say...I am really frightened for him.

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Re: Boyfriend scammed - not sure what to do

Postby Igulinka » Tue Nov 29, 2016 3:02 am

Please know we have a whole tread of hundreds of hundreds of reports from fake FBI, police, Secret Service etc. For some people who still have to learn it looks legit. The best is to call local FBI and verify the info with an agent. Some people who were contacted by real FBI had only set an appointment over the phone and later FBI came to discuss the case. Hard to believe they would send email or talk on the phone. Please BEWARE. If you wish as to verify the info please let us know.
Confronting the scammer is WRONG!!! DON'T enlighten criminals with your wisdom. REPORT & BLOCK.
PHOTO VICTIM - "Do not confront the owner of the pictures, as they are victims themselves! You will only serve to further the terror and harm !" Silence Is Golden!!! I speak Polish.

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Re: Boyfriend scammed - not sure what to do

Postby Igulinka » Tue Nov 29, 2016 3:21 am

Thank you for posting the info. This is real information and we glad FBI does something. I am removing it to the safe ground as we don't need the real FBI data to be disclosed . Thank you.

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Re: Boyfriend scammed - not sure what to do

Postby concernedGF » Tue Nov 29, 2016 3:29 am

I figured you would remove it. Thank you for checking. I will still have him call the field office tomorrow to make sure. I know my BF is a small fish to the FBI and anything he did for the scammers, was with his intent to first help someone in need, then because he was caught in the web...but I am still frightened for him.

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Re: Boyfriend scammed - not sure what to do

Postby Igulinka » Tue Nov 29, 2016 3:44 am

He can always seek advice on the site : http://www.fraudaid.com/ if he needs questions to be answered. Good luck to you both and thank you for the update.
Confronting the scammer is WRONG!!! DON'T enlighten criminals with your wisdom. REPORT & BLOCK.
PHOTO VICTIM - "Do not confront the owner of the pictures, as they are victims themselves! You will only serve to further the terror and harm !" Silence Is Golden!!! I speak Polish.

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Re: Boyfriend scammed - not sure what to do

Postby concernedGF » Mon Oct 02, 2017 4:57 pm

Hi all. Hope you are doing well. The scammers are back. I am more upset that my BF was "chatting" with what he thought was another girl. As soon as she asked for $, he knew it was a hoax. He was very spooked that soon after he ceased communication with "her", the "FBI" emailed him wanted him to set up a sting - all he had to do was cough up $4000. He declined, and stopped communicated with the fake agent as well, then his original scammer texted him with "FU, I scammed you". All this went on for a few weeks about a month ago - I knew something was going on but he did not tell me until now.

He still will not change his cell #, email, etc, and was hurt to get the "FU" text.

He was emailed and called awhile back from another "FBI agent" - who had awful spelling and grammer - but the creepiest thing was the very blurry copy of his IC3 report attached to the email. So, I fear his computer is hacked as well.

Not sure what to do, but hanging in there. Any guidance would be helpful.

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