It is very difficult to understand the how these scams work unless you have fallen for one yourself. These scams affect people from all walks of life from the very educated person to the not so educated - from people with money to people with not so much. The key characteristics of someone who might be vulnerable to these scams are age, over 40, loneliness, and having no knowledge of these scams. If all of these things exist in a person who is trying to date online you have the prime setting for someone who might fall for a scam.
Please do not be too hard on your boyfriend. He needs to dump the scammer. He needs to block everything and get rid of her. In my opinion, if you truly have feelings for him then you might want to try to understand what he is going through. I have not heard of someone who is in a relationship who is still having problems with ties to scammers. It does seem that he should have moved on.
Do not underestimate these people. They are very, very skilled liars and manipulators. The false sense of intimacy that is created through texting cannot be underestimated. The deep feelings that develop on the victim's side cannot be discredited. The false dreams that these scammers help you create - although you don't know at the time that they are false dreams - are illusions that are hard to dismiss from one's mind.
If you decide to stay in this relationship you will probably need to understand these scams. There are numerous books out there and there is really good information online. Books on brainwashing, Juju spells and the Nigerian culture - or whatever culture the scammer lives in - were also helpful to me.
I fell for someone who was a scammer based out of Nigeria. However, I could not find any information on him online. I googled and googled. I contacted the United Nations in New York City for information when he told me that he needed a certificate for work. I also contacted the company that he said he was contracting with in Benin City. Both of these people told me that they were almost 100 percent sure that he was a scammer. However, I had fallen in love. I wanted so badly to believe. And so I continued to believe this man - even though I had started to have concrete information in front of me that he was not who he said he was. I had built a life with this man - so I thought. I just needed him to come home. I was imagining our life together....these dreams filled my head when I slept and my day dreams when I was awake.
I finally did a background check with a company who has connections in the three countries that this person said he lived, was born or had traveled. They could not find ONE shred of evidence that this person existed. The passport that he had given me was fake, the birth information that he had given me was fake, the College that he said he went to had never heard of him, there was no record of this "American" crossing the Nigerian border in the past three years, the Nigerian attorney that he said was helping him did not exist....and the list went on. But did I believe this - yes I did but I was unwilling to give this man up. And he continued to try to convince me that our love overcame everything......that no one should know about us and that I should continue to trust and believe him.....and to send him money. I would block him for a few days and then find myself missing him and then I would go back.
There is much more to my story....but you have not come here for my story.....you have your story. My advice to you is that if you love your boyfriend then try to help him. Try to understand this. Try to empathize and sympathize. This is the best site that I have found. Not only is there really good information here but there are people who are willing to spend time with you explaining and helping you through this. I would advise you to get to know them.
Good luck to you. This is a mighty battle that is fought with everyone who has recovered or is in recovery from these scams. Take care of yourself, get sleep, get help. I hope things go well for you and your boyfriend.