It is currently Sat Apr 20, 2019 2:01 am    

*

Romance Scam

Please report romance scams and dating scams here. We accept reports on Russian scammers and Nigerian scammers.

Disclaimer regarding pictures posted on the board: please understand that you are NOT looking at the pictures of people who are actually scamming you. The people portrayed on these photos are innocent men and women, NOT involved in scamming in any way and have nothing to do with scammers. The scammers are using their images without their knowledge or permission to deceive their victims and steal their money.



Join our SCAM FREE DATING SITE
Readnotify - trace your emails, get IPs
Forum rules:

** PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING!


Why don't I feel anything ?

Emotional Support, Compassionate Friends
stitch2603
Junior Poster
Posts: 14
Joined: Mon May 21, 2018 4:35 pm


Bookmark and Share





Why don't I feel anything ?

Postby stitch2603 » Tue May 22, 2018 5:37 am

I just found out that I got scammed, I posted all the details - name, tel. no., pictures, my story - on another post under "White Males". It just happened yesterday and I feel totally calm. I'm not crying or upset or wanting to scream my lungs out. Nothing at all. I feel numb. Is this normal ? I lost close to USD100K to this guy. Yes, it was my nest egg, but I'm somehow not able to find any emotions to react to the loss and the betrayal. Believe me, I fell hard for this guy in a span of one month. He got under my skin, i thought of him every waking moment. And like many of you here, I spent many late nights talking to him with very little sleep that affected me at work. And now that everything has been exposed, thanks to Igulinka and IceFM, those stupid ugly MUGUS, I'm ready to move on. But why am I so calm ? Why do I not feel anything ? Am I in denial ? Is something wrong with me ?

While we were "together" we made plans on starting a new life together, getting married, having babies and even re-locating if he didn't like where I lived. Our conversations got extremely emotional and sometimes even steamy. I invested a lot of my time and emotions into this "relationship". I was madly in love, or so I thought. But now there's just nothing.

Does anyone else here feel the same way ?

When I found out about the scam yesterday, I texted him with a fake story about how my dog was really sick and I didn't have any money to pay for his treatment. I wanted to see his reaction. He told me not to worry about it, things will be ok and he'll be here soon to take care of me. I also told him I wanted to see a picture of him and his son together, our "family", to cheer me up. He didn't respond and that was the last I heard from him. He normally texts me throughout the day, telling me he misses me, that he's thinking of me etc. But today, nothing. Not a peep. Not sure if I tipped him off, but it feels weird. I don't know, maybe I'm addicted to the messages. I used to keep my phone with me with me wherever I go and check it all the time just to make sure I didn't miss any of his messages. Now I don't.

How am I able to let go so quickly and not be overcome with emotions or feel anything ? I'm just numb.

Why don't I feel anything ?

Sponsor

Sponsor
 

User avatar
Igulinka
Moderator/Sponsor
Moderator/Sponsor
Posts: 23732
Joined: Sun Sep 29, 2013 3:12 am
Location: New York


Bookmark and Share





Re: Why don't I feel anything ?

Postby Igulinka » Tue May 22, 2018 2:03 pm

We are very sorry for the scam. Please know it hurts horribly at the beginning but also does get better in time.
Please don't give up on your dreams. Please don't give up on hope and faith. Don't to let my scam experience take away your faith, hope and dreams. Please try to count your blessings and what you do have. Try to look at the glass half full and not half empty. Things could of been alot worse if you didn't find this place and wake up from their lies so far.
Please try from your whole heart to put the scam behind you. Do not think about what they told you. I am sorry but all those were lies just to defraud you .
Please put those stolen photos aside or delete them and never look back. The African criminal played you until he was convinced you were in love and desperate to please him and then he invented a reason to need money that only you could give him.
Take baby steps, one day at the time and I promise you will be healed and happy again.

Now what must you do?
First, do not confront the scammer with what you've discovered. It will do no good. He lies for a living. You will NEVER get truth from him.
Second, protect your personal information. Get a new email account and switch friends and family over to it, then close the one the scammer has. If this is not possible, block him entirely but beware that he will reinvent himself and try to come back to you.
Don't ever answer another text message from him again.
And if you used Hangouts or other messenger chat, close your account and stay off it for a few months.
The most important thing to do now is to cease ALL communications with your scammer.
Do not waste any more time on thinking about the scammer. One day you will forgive him in order to forgive yourself and consider a scam as an isolated incident in your life, lesson learn hard-way .
Please be sure, they letting you to cool down your emotions and they will be back for more. BLOCK THEM.
Feel better :hugz:

Julia2016
Junior Poster
Posts: 31
Joined: Sat Apr 30, 2016 8:34 pm


Bookmark and Share





Re: Why don't I feel anything ?

Postby Julia2016 » Tue May 22, 2018 2:59 pm

I am sorry that it happened also to you. No, there is nothing wrong with you. We all are different, we all differently handle traumatic situations. It is always a big shock to find out and realize that we have been scammed. Some victims cry, some sleep, some drink, some feel empty, some spend hours in a gym … When I realized that I had been scammed, at first I felt so used and betrayed that I could not find a place for myself, I was not able to understand what I was reading … then, one day I got drunk which was really stupid of me because since I almost don’t drink at all, the next day - apart from having a huge hangover - I still remembered the scam. The feeling was even worse. Then, I switched to sleep mode. Days and nights. I got up only to walk my dog. When I was already mentally tired of sleeping, I started to feel as if I were a bomb which would explode if I failed to do something about it. So I spent hours swimming like crazy in a swimming pool trying to get rid of my thoughts. As you can see, there were stages of my dealing with the problem. Maybe feeling numb is just your first stage of handling it … but there is nothing wrong with you. Finding out that we have been scammed and lied by a person we trusted so much is one of the worst feelings. In situations like this, all people react differently. One day I started just reading about scams and victims in order to 1) understand how this could happen to me (techniques of brainwashing, manipulation, etc.), 2) find out what I could do about it, 3) educate myself in this respect which I do … until today. I read back and forth everything here on this site, all the stories of other victims and the healing section as well. By doing so, you will understand a lot and also that … there is nothing wrong with you.
Take care.

User avatar
Pinky
Scam Buster
Posts: 3612
Joined: Mon Sep 22, 2008 2:49 am
Location: USA


Bookmark and Share





Re: Why don't I feel anything ?

Postby Pinky » Tue May 22, 2018 5:57 pm

You asked why you don't feel anything . . . I suspect you're in shock. Maybe this is a blessing for now, but I suspect there's still and element of (false) hope lingering. Follow the advice given above and protect yourself. You might also want to seek out a counselor you can confide in personally. I'm afraid your adverse reactions will soon set it. The constant barrage of romantic emotions is addicting and when they stop abruptly, you're bound to experience withdrawals.
If your question isn't answered in the FAQ, please message a green Moderator or red Admin. We need to know.

stitch2603
Junior Poster
Posts: 14
Joined: Mon May 21, 2018 4:35 pm


Bookmark and Share





Re: Why don't I feel anything ?

Postby stitch2603 » Wed May 23, 2018 5:45 am

Thanks everyone for your kind words. Pinky, I think you’re right, I think I’m in shock. When I first found out about the scam, my heart physically hurt and then I started trembling all
over and broke out in cold sweat. And after, nothing. Just numbness and super calm.

But I think the emotional wall I had put up is slowly breaking. This morning when I was taking my shower, i suddenly started to cry. I wasn’t thinking about anything except getting myself to work. And suddenly I just broke down.

I guess different people handle emotions differently. I’m still going through the stages and because something so outrageous and unbelievable has never happened to
me before, I didn’t know how to handle it. I will keep coming back here to read and find solace with others that have gone through the same thing as me.

Thanks again for your comfort :)

User avatar
Pinky
Scam Buster
Posts: 3612
Joined: Mon Sep 22, 2008 2:49 am
Location: USA


Bookmark and Share





Re: Why don't I feel anything ?

Postby Pinky » Wed May 23, 2018 6:13 am

Question: did you use your real name here? If so, ask Frumpy to change it to avoid any further harassment from your scammer. They can really get threatening - which you don't need added to your stress. But rest assured, if you avoid ALL future contact with the scammer he can do nothing more to you, no matter what he says.
If your question isn't answered in the FAQ, please message a green Moderator or red Admin. We need to know.

stitch2603
Junior Poster
Posts: 14
Joined: Mon May 21, 2018 4:35 pm


Bookmark and Share





Re: Why don't I feel anything ?

Postby stitch2603 » Wed May 23, 2018 9:11 am

I did send Frumpy a PM to change my user name. But it seems to be stuck in my outbox and never got sent. How do I send it out? I keep clicking on the submit button but nothing’s happening.

User avatar
Pinky
Scam Buster
Posts: 3612
Joined: Mon Sep 22, 2008 2:49 am
Location: USA


Bookmark and Share





Re: Why don't I feel anything ?

Postby Pinky » Wed May 23, 2018 10:32 am

He'll get it when he comes online next. And I'm sure he'll see this post.
If your question isn't answered in the FAQ, please message a green Moderator or red Admin. We need to know.

User avatar
FrumpyBB
Site Admin
Posts: 59514
Joined: Sun Apr 06, 2008 7:35 pm
Location: Central Europe


Bookmark and Share





Re: Why don't I feel anything ?

Postby FrumpyBB » Thu May 24, 2018 7:49 am

Thanks - done as requested :) ["Outbox" means, wasn´t read yet ;)]
Please try your best to block ALL your scammer´s still incoming messages and calls!

What is all this? => The FAQ

The scammers vs. Why is "he" still doing it?

Why is alerting the man in the pictures DANGEROUS?

Please click why confronting my scammer is terribly wrong :)

stitch2603
Junior Poster
Posts: 14
Joined: Mon May 21, 2018 4:35 pm


Bookmark and Share





Re: Why don't I feel anything ?

Postby stitch2603 » Thu May 24, 2018 8:58 am

Thanks Frumpy ! New here, not really sure how to use the site or navigate it properly yet. ;)

I keep having these "moments" throughout the day where out of the blue, I remember the things I was planning to do together with "him" or places I would bring "him" and my heart and head hurts. But still not crying - since the shower episode - no screaming or tearing my hair out either. I still don't understand why I'm handling all this so calmly. The shock should have worn off by now no ? Or my mind is just compartmentalizing it all as a fantasy ? Which is true in a way, since "he's" not real. But I keep having the image of him in my mind and it hurts. How long is it going to take before I can forget ?

User avatar
Pinky
Scam Buster
Posts: 3612
Joined: Mon Sep 22, 2008 2:49 am
Location: USA


Bookmark and Share





Re: Why don't I feel anything ?

Postby Pinky » Thu May 24, 2018 9:43 am

Everyone is different. We've seen so many different reactions here. I would say not to worry or compare yourself to others. Give yourself a pat on the back for participating here and showing others one way. You may not know it now, but what you've shared with us so far, will be a great help to others in the future. And what you're learning here, you might choose to share with your immediate community or peers who might not be aware. You could potentially save someone else. To find meaning and purpose from all this will be the fastest route to healing.
If your question isn't answered in the FAQ, please message a green Moderator or red Admin. We need to know.

stitch2603
Junior Poster
Posts: 14
Joined: Mon May 21, 2018 4:35 pm


Bookmark and Share





Re: Why don't I feel anything ?

Postby stitch2603 » Thu May 24, 2018 1:43 pm

Pinky, I'm definitely healing ! I went onto the baiting forum and after reading some of the posts, I laughed so hard !

After I read the tips on RS about how to spot a scammer, I went back on Tinder to see if I could spot one and I picked up 3 ! I wasn't even thinking of baiting or anything like that. It was so easy ! And I can't believe how many there are out there ! One of the scammer's profile had lots of am this, am that. He even started his chat with me the same way. Not a single 'I am'. Another one started calling me darling and dear from the start. The other one started asking me to go onto Whatsapp for more privacy and I was like why ? And he just disappeared. I'm going to play around with them for a little bit and then report them. Trust me, I'm not going to get sucked in. Learnt my lesson the hard way and they totally turn me off ! Knowing the photos are fake and behind each profile is an ugly :mugu: , no way am I going to be a sucker 2nd time round !

I am seriously considering becoming a baiter like you Pinky ! But not before I've read through the WHOLE entire baiting forum and learnt all I can about protecting myself. It's going to be an afterwork project. I'll definitely ask for help if I need it.

I particularly liked one of your post from Feb 2014, where you asked a junior poster to fake an email account and send an email back to her own baiter's account to thank her for the expensive Valentine's Day gifts and then forward the fake email to her scammer making him think that another scammer has stolen his gifts. :applause: And then using that fake account with a pidgin language translator to insult the scammer ?! OMG, PRICELESS ! :mrgreen: :pray:

Once I'm ready, I hope I "meet" my mugu and get a chance to pull one good one on him too ! *cue evil laughter* :twisted:

This site has been a Godsend ...... geddit ? LOL ! I'm actually a true blue Catholic and that was also one of the ways I got sucked in. :(

But seriously, if I hadn't found RS, I think I would still be in shock and feeling totally helpless, alone and lost. Knowing that so many other people have gone through the same thing and knowing that they were all smart, intelligent people also helped me feel less stupid about myself. I think the biggest question we all keep asking is "Why me?", over and over again. How could I have not seen this coming ? What possessed me to do something so stupid. Self blame you know ? Which doesn't help as it just makes us feel worse about ourselves.

Well, I'm not going to do that anymore, I'm going to move forward, read and educate myself as much as I can on this site, do my own research and when I'm ready, I'm gonna become a baiter and expose as many of those SOBs as I can. I'll definitely report it back here and ask for advice if I need it. Time for some payback ! :twisted:

LisaT
Junior Poster
Posts: 13
Joined: Tue Sep 11, 2018 5:57 am


Bookmark and Share





Re: Why don't I feel anything ?

Postby LisaT » Tue Sep 11, 2018 12:00 pm

Hello, where can I find the baiting forum that stitch2603 mentioned in her post?

Return to “Support and Advice.”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests

cron