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Romance Scam

Please report romance scams and dating scams here. We accept reports on Russian scammers and Nigerian scammers.

Disclaimer regarding pictures posted on the board: please understand that you are NOT looking at the pictures of people who are actually scamming you. The people portrayed on these photos are innocent men and women, NOT involved in scamming in any way and have nothing to do with scammers. The scammers are using their images without their knowledge or permission to deceive their victims and steal their money.




The Healing Process

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Rebuilding
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Re: The Healing Process

Postby Rebuilding » Wed Jul 05, 2017 1:10 am

Hi sad4ver and many others, I hope you are feeling better. I am male. I have never posted here but I read all the posts. I was scammed badly over 8 years and they brainwashed me good. I don't like to say a lot about it online and this is my first ever post anywhere. Its been 3 weeks since I accepted that it really was fake. I saw the signs in the beginning.. even reported it to WU and ic3 website,....... yes almost 9 years ago now. But they spun it so well and came up with a brilliant story. Why did I continue? I said to "her" I would not send unless I see her.. I have the email.. yet I sent anyways after a phone call for a minute.. they started with two hundred bucks and then it went up fast! Jesus is my strength.. how I got through it alive I don't know. I sent money to several countries. I lost a load of money. not a small amount at all... and time, emotions, love etc.. The girl is still in my head and it is major betrayal from the friends who were helping her get out of Nigeria.. as they never existed.. but I am left with the scars of the emotion of the girl. She is posted on another website so I am not going to post her images. They used her image in Nigeria and Malaysia scams and drug me into 3 other scams that they made me think they were related to her but which only one of those i actually paid money to. The girl I loved was loved by many I imagine and no they are not model pics.. just a regular pretty girl pics. ughh. I think the real girl went underground as her image was used a lot. It is hard as I actually got married to her I thought, but I am working through it. I have a lot more to say but I cant go into heavy details. Too many years and much pain. I have done plenty of crying and it is subsiding. Its just nice to talk it out. I am doing this to find others I can talk to who have been through this and also hoping it helps others. the brokenman above I feel your pain.. Its been over a year for you since its over. I lived your pain for over 8 years so I know. To any other men or woman for that matter out there reading this.. trust me.. I know.. Many wont post.. too embarrassed.. I get it.

I will post more as I write it down. At least I am under control now. My emotions were not in control in the past few months. My story is truly unbelievable. I say I am dumb but only for not listening to myself more than anything. I know I am not dumb.. but just caring and wanted to help.. not greedy although money was involved. Its hard to believe they used this story before but I imagine so. I just don't want to discuss the details much but I will in private. I will post more soon. thanks for reading. I hope it helps someone.

Re: The Healing Process

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Re: The Healing Process

Postby Igulinka » Wed Jul 05, 2017 4:24 am

Hello Rebuilding welcome to RS. We are truly , deeply sorry for the scam. We are sorry to hear that your heart is in pain and yet you lost money. Please know it does get better in time, scam will get foggy and eventually you will feel happier in your heart.

Please try from your whole heart to put the scam behind you. There never was a girl in Nigeria and whoever is posted on the other sides is just a victim of the scammers as you are. Please BLOCK all immediately. Do not think about what the Nigerian scammers told you. Save yourself from more headache. The stolen pictures may be abused by mamy , many gangs. Please put those stolen photos aside or delete them and never look back.

I was also horribly scammed few years ago. I thought I would be insane or not alive but time healed the scars. You will be also in better place one day. Take a baby steps, one day at the time and I promise you will be healed and happy again.

This scammer with stolen photo swept your sensibilities and cautions away with his brainwashing and preyed upon your loneliness and longing to be loved. But let me be VERY clear on one important fact: The w man in the pictures is NOT the woman whose words stole your heart and took your money. The African criminal played you until he was convinced you were in love and desperate to please him and then he invented a reason to need money that only you could give him.

Unfortunately, we cannot accurately pinpoint and tell you exactly who is responsible for this horrible assault you have been victimized by. We can only give you a profile. He is a young West African male, probably between the ages of 16 and 25. He lives in Nigeria or Ghana or possibly Malaysia and there's a good chance wherever he is, he is Nigerian. He scams for a living. He works in a 'gang' of 3 to 10 other males and/or sometimes a female or two as well. The gang has a boss, who might provide the location, computers and Western Union and law enforcement bribes.

Every member of the gang has a job they do and they work round the clock roaming dating and social media sites, collecting pictures, making email accounts, reading and stealing profiles, sending out flirts and contacts, sorting and answering emails, developing new avenues to collect money and story lines, plus a whole lot more (including phishing and hacking). The scammers with better English skills are usually the ones who do the majority of writing profiles and lengthy emails. They also do the phone calls, especially if they can speak English with any other accent besides African. Chances are good that you were never in contact with just one man in the beginning.

Now what must you do?
First, do not confront the scammer with what you've discovered. It will do no good. He lies for a living. You will NEVER get truth from him.
Second, protect your personal information. Get a new email account and switch friends and family over to it, then close the one the scammer has. If this is not possible, block him entirely but beware that he will reinvent himself and try to come back to you.
If you do Facebook, chance your settings so that no one can see anything about you except your closest friends and family. If he has your phone number and sends you text messages, take your phone to your provider and ask them to block the scammer if you don't know how to do it on your own, but like the email, scammers have access to other phones so if he manages to get a call through, hang up on him immediately. Don't ever answer another text message from him again.
And if you used Yahoo , Hangouts, FB to chat, close your accounts and stay off it for a few months.
The most important thing to do now is to cease ALL communications with your scammer.

Do not waste any more time on thinking about the scammer. One day you will forgive him in order to forgive yourself and consider a scam as an isolated incident in your life, lesson learn hard-way .

The desire for closure can be a serious obstacle to healing. Closure is a nebulous concept that people see as a process where you have a final meeting with the person(s) who hurt you. You walk away happy and content. They walk away in possession of all the pain that you had been carrying and thus feeling terrible.
You have made the important steps by finding RS, learning about romance scams, pouring your heart out to others who have been there, listening to other members and being honest with your family. You can't make a group of criminals feel bad or give you closure. Only YOU can give yourself closure and that is within you. You are getting closure by being here, learning and then helping new members. Congratulations on your progress even if it's baby steps.

Please don't hesitate and post:
fake profile;
email address;
phone numbers;
stolen pictures, all money request info. It will help other potential victims to find the info and save themselves. Thank you and feel better.
Confronting the scammer is WRONG!!! DON'T enlighten criminals with your wisdom. REPORT & BLOCK.
PHOTO VICTIM - "Do not confront the owner of the pictures, as they are victims themselves! You will only serve to further the terror and harm !" Silence Is Golden!!! I speak Polish.

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Re: The Healing Process

Postby Rebuilding » Thu Jul 06, 2017 12:56 am

Hi, thank you Igulinka. I have read all the posts on this healing section so I am familiar with your words. It did not end weeks ago but I accepted it was fake weeks ago. I am still in a bit of shock but I have had time to think about it.

Again I am not posting every detail as it is almost 9 years worth and trust me I have a lot of details so many I can't remember them all nor the order they happened in. I am sure the jerks high fived all the time and money they got from me.. but I will win in the end and they go to weeping and gnashing of teeth. I have not seen too many posts from Pinky or others on here lately so i thought I would write. My story is not the typical at all. but the scenario started the typical way. I have about five thousand emails and over three thousand chats saved.. as well as several phones i saved texts on over the years. I realize there is no girl there now. But they were very convincing and even paid off certain people to alert them when I was attempting to verify things. I have loads of proof. Although that may be common it made it easier to believe. The sociopaths talk to me like I was family. After 8+ years and many countries I traveled to I can tell you I have a bit different experience than many but the core was pain. I will post what I can of the scammers although I am still hoping to track some of the IP's through my own custom means I created. When they moved the scam to the USA I lost out also, but I did track one of the guys or same guys real IPs to Atlanta and two of the same IP addresses to Houston. I wish we had a squad to just say go get those bastards because I can almost guarantee the 2 IP's I got at the same location were the real place.. This being public I don't want to say a lot but nothing any baiter would not know although i programmed it myself but it was really too late.

Here I am skilled and yet I let emotion over power the facts. They were so bold and I should have check IP's long long ago and I just ignored them making reasons why it might be true. There were many characters involved but i am not sure how many individual jerks, aka, losers who do this and suck the life out of us were actually involved. But they use very interesting tactics.

I am still hoping someone will create a network of verified formerly scammed people within a location who can help others or just talk like myself. I have a feeling it exists but it wont be on a website for obvious reasons. It is a very private, embarrassing to most, unpleasant experience and I am sure some don't ever want to talk about it again. For me.. I lived too much pain and in time will do what I can to help out others.

I do appreciate anyone who reaches out to discuss this with others. Me or anyone. Not that we have to live in the past but what can we do to stop this before it happens? I know this will fade away but someone (many) right now is living the pain and anyone here can testify we don't want anyone to get into this or have it happen any longer than needed.

thanks again

nin
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Re: The Healing Process

Postby nin » Fri Jul 14, 2017 11:44 pm

Great to find this site and have a read. I was one of the lucky ones who twigged what was going on a week into the attempted scam. I couldn't quite believe how much detailed info they had on the poor guy whose identity they had stolen. It was a match via a dating site in Australia, with the guy posing as a us marine deployed here. It was been reported to the dating site and the us government. I found 5 fake Facebook profiles and was lucky enough to find a way to contact the person whose identity was stolen. It was only 2 weeks but I miss the love and attention I was shown, and as one person posted, I'm having a hard time separating the image of the person I thought I was speaking to and the actual scammer. I never sent any money and have only lost a few weeks in time but feel so incredibly awful for those who have lost so much more. I didn't think this rubbish would ever reach Australia via a dating site. Just goes to show, you can't trust anyone these days.

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Re: The Healing Process

Postby Igulinka » Sat Jul 15, 2017 12:31 pm

nin

We are glad you found us and we can help you to feel better. For the future references please BLOCK and IGNORE scammers as soon as you find what they are are do NOT search for real persons in the photos. ONLY law enforcement is a proper organ to notify them and victims which contacting other victims may found themselves in bunch of legal problems. Thank you and be safe online.

Please kindly post: fake profile, email address, phone number, pictures, messages, etc.
Confronting the scammer is WRONG!!! DON'T enlighten criminals with your wisdom. REPORT & BLOCK.
PHOTO VICTIM - "Do not confront the owner of the pictures, as they are victims themselves! You will only serve to further the terror and harm !" Silence Is Golden!!! I speak Polish.

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Re: The Healing Process

Postby Rebuilding » Wed Jul 19, 2017 5:06 pm

Hi Nin.
It is great you got out fast. It is a testament to your alertness and that of sites like these. I was not so fortunate.. but time heals and memories fade. Be sure to tell anyone you know who does online dating to be aware this can happen without them realizing it. They are sneaky bastards creating a psychological mess.. not my favorite word but I earned the right to call them that.

Stay safe.

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Re: The Healing Process

Postby Wingman182 » Thu Jul 20, 2017 6:26 pm

Hello nin and I could not agree more. It is fantastic to know that someone has dodged this bullet.
It means that this site and others like it are working. The word is getting out and public awareness is on the rise about this crime.
Well done. :applause:

And to Rebuilding, you have definitely more then earned the right to express your anger about what had happened to you. Besides this thread is called “The Healing Process” is it not.
And anger is a part of the whole healing process. So I can't think of a better place to vent off a little steam.
Let's just try to refrain from dropping any “F” bombs and I think all will be just fine.
Besides look at some of the colorful phrases I've seen in the past.
Vermin.
Rodents.
Lowlife bottom dwelling scum sucking pig's.
Oh and then there was my personal preference during my angry period.
S.B.B. Aka sperm burping bitch. :twisted:
So I think your little vent will slide just fine.
Wingman182 Pay It Forward

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Re: The Healing Process

Postby Rebuilding » Tue Jul 25, 2017 5:55 pm

thanks wingman. They are all you said and more. I still have things pop in my head that I truly can't believe they said and it did not phase them that they were and are destroying people's lives. It may be over for them and on to the next victim and I know they were scamming others at the same time.. but I have to endure the memories forever. It is getting easier but adapting to regular life after over eight years has been a challenge. Some days it's ok but the years of anxiety and stress have taken a toll. I am relaxed but also not so. It comes and goes. God is my rock and time will heal most of it.

I hope you are doing better nin. Feel free to post or pm me.

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Re: The Healing Process

Postby AshamedBeyondWords » Mon Aug 07, 2017 11:02 pm

I just found out that I was scammed. And lost $$$$$. I don't know whAt to think or feel, so as I stumbled upon this site I started reading other stories... at first I didn't want to read. I found relief that I am not the only stupid one but that passes quickly. I am in self hatred like no one can even imagine but I feel like one of you can relate to me. I can't tAlk about it to anyone. How do I start living again?

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Re: The Healing Process

Postby Igulinka » Mon Aug 07, 2017 11:58 pm

I am very sorry that it happened to you. Please know I was also scammed , lost a lot of money and had my heart broken. At the time when I realized it was a scam I was very angry and was asking myself how could I be this stupid? Later , by reading lots of articles , doctors evaluations, books etc. I knew that there was not much I could do while being scammed. Scammers brainwashed me and manipulated mind mind. As soon I came of the fog I cut all the ties with scammers and started rebuild my life. Please know it does get better in time, just take baby steps, keep occupied, don't drill in the past , try to move on. The most important is to BLOCK and IGNORE scammers, they always come back for more. You need to keep in control .
Please post :fake profile, email addresses, phone numbers, messages , stolen pictures, money request info.
Please file https://www.ic3.gov/default.aspx with FBI. Keep evidence stored. Hope you will heal very soon. Thank you for the kind words about the forum. I can tell it helped many victims to move on. Good luck to you and be safe online.
Confronting the scammer is WRONG!!! DON'T enlighten criminals with your wisdom. REPORT & BLOCK.
PHOTO VICTIM - "Do not confront the owner of the pictures, as they are victims themselves! You will only serve to further the terror and harm !" Silence Is Golden!!! I speak Polish.

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Re: The Healing Process

Postby Rebuilding » Wed Aug 09, 2017 4:30 pm

Hi Ashamed..
Glad you posted. It is hard to understand how people are so evil and can cut us up with lies and then they sleep well. Out of site and out of mind I imagine. I still have things pop in my head that bother me daily.. it takes time indeed. Where was it your scammer claim to be?

It takes a bit for the shock to go away. We go through phases. There is no easy answer and nobody will be able to understand but others who have been scammed. I give it up in prayer because it's a lot to carry.

You can post as much as you need to here.

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Re: The Healing Process

Postby AnastasiaLow » Sun Aug 13, 2017 5:17 am

To everyone in post, first I would like to say hello and glad that I'm not alone suffering in agony.

My name is EL, was involved in romance scam through online dating apps and involved money which I'm still repaying the authorities.

And I've been involved in a recovery scam right after the romance scam.

I've been victimized and being abused by my family ever since this happened.

No one in my family or my friends understand how I've been through, all I get from them is I totally deserve being scammed cos I'm stupid and naive.

It hurts because nobody wants to be scam and furthermore is not the money loss but is the heartache caused by being heartbroken by two so called your love ones.

To be honest I'm still reeling from the hurt and the shock, I've been bottling up my feelings because I don't have any supportive friends from where I lived.

That is why I am glad I find this forum and support group. I feel than I'm finally find someone supportative and understands how we have been through.

I'm still heartbroken because it just happened since last year dec.

Thank you for sharing all your post, at least I know I'm no longer alone now. Is been a long agonized journey and I'm still trying to heal.
Last edited by minerva on Sun Aug 13, 2017 5:22 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: edit real name of poster

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Re: The Healing Process

Postby minerva » Sun Aug 13, 2017 5:27 am

Welcome to RS and thanks for sharing your story :)
Time will healing you and you have lot friends here that will always support you and listen to you. Feel free to share all your feeling. We understand what had dealing with, I hope you already stop communicated with your scammer too. Feel fee to post your scammer detail in the forum and keep on spirit coz you better than the scammer dont let the scammer win. ;)
to help you how to post and other read the FAQ viewtopic.php?f=74&t=83893

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Re: The Healing Process

Postby Rebuilding » Sun Aug 13, 2017 2:57 pm

Hi AnastasiaLow,
I am glad you posted. I believe there are many not posting who are in the same situation. The scum who do this will suffer one day. For now they thrive on gain without paying a dime. You tried to help and were fooled by natural tendencies. They are professionals and this is what they do. There is no easy answer or easy way to heal. But do you best to keep yourself busy with anything you can that will give you some peace. Until someone in your family becomes a victim they will never understand. It is a real mess what happens. I would say be strong but I have found it's not so easy. You just have to keep living and knowing you meant well. Ask God for healing and help. This is a fallen world and contrary to what some say we are not born with good and wanting to be nice to everyone. Some go the path of destruction and some escape that path and choose to love others. Be glad this won't happen again because now you see clearly.

Post more if you need to. Get to a good Godly church if it will help. No need to tell anyone if you don't want to. But as Jesus said I have come to heal the sick not the healthy. Not that we don't continually need help. But when you are healthier then you can help others as well.

Have a better day. I hope my words have encouraged you somehow.

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Re: The Healing Process

Postby Wingman182 » Mon Aug 14, 2017 3:10 pm

Hello anastasaiLow and welcome to RS. I am very sorry that you have been pulled in by these criminals. And I think it is also sad that you have gone this long without the support and understanding you need right now. Rebuilding is right. Being a victim of this crime is difficult for those who have not gone through it themselves to understand. There are some, but they are rare individuals and some of God's angels on earth.
Your friends and family are so wrong about you. You are not stupid and you are no idiot. Naive about this type of crime yes, but then again we all were before our scams. Because all of us are good, giving, and caring people whom before our scams could never even dream that suck lowlifes like the romance scammer could even exist in the world. Unfortunately for all of us they do, and we all found this out the hard way. And if you are guilty of anything at all it was wanting to find someone special to fill and share your life with. And if that is a crime then we are all guilty.

I also want to tell you that none of this is your fault. You were preyed upon by well trained criminals. As part of that training scammer are schooled in psychology, many even earn their degrees in the subject. How's that for sad. To take a form of medical science intended to help people and use it to manipulate and destroy peoples lives. And Rebuilding is right about another thing. They don't care about the pain and suffering they cause. For the romance scammer sitting down in front of a computer and doing these acts is no different then for us to go to our jobs and do a days worth of honest work.
They go home to their families when their done, and they can sleep just fine knowing what they do.

Now none of this may help with the pain you are feeling. But if you are like many of us your head is also swimming with question and the need to understand how this happened to you. There is more to learn, but I hope I have helped with some of that understanding.
And at least for me with understanding the how's and why's came more levels of healing. I hope the same holds true for you.

anastasaiLow
“To be honest I'm still reeling from the hurt and the shock, I've been bottling up my feelings because I don't have any supportive friends from where I lived.”

Well you do now. And we can be more then just friends. I like to think of the members of this site as family.
So if you like,,,,, Welcome to our family. :hugz:

You can call on us or lean on our shoulders when ever like.
Wingman182 Pay It Forward

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