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Romance Scam

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The Healing Process

Emotional Support, Compassionate Friends
TTRT
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Re: The Healing Process

Postby TTRT » Fri Dec 15, 2017 2:15 am

Rebuilding,

It is not easy. I never told anyone. I cannot ever trll my friends and family but only on here. I lost $10,000 and I was willing to do it when I realized it. Someone once told me, if they can steal from you that means they need it more than you do.

Money can be earned back. Emotional and psychological impact take time to recover. I still havr my moments even though I know whoever "James Blair" is (I have to just mention the name for all to be careful) is not real, picture was stolen and maybe voice alteration software was used too.

Nonetheless, it takes time to disassociate and disconnect as well as accept the truth 100% even though I know it was a scam I just can't seem to drop it totally still.

I know all this will pass someday and laugh at it. Till then, this is tougher than I thought..Only the ones who go through will understand. Others do not and think of us as fools but we are not, these scammers are narcissists and socio paths unfortunately and problem is with them. It is a career and a business for them, understandable.

Thank you for all the support everyone and I am grateful for this site to help all victims with no judegement.

Re: The Healing Process

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iamrotho33
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Re: The Healing Process

Postby iamrotho33 » Sun Dec 17, 2017 4:39 am

It’s been so helpful to find this support page because I just found out today the truth about a person is been talking to online for months and believed he was the person in the pictures and the videos he sent me. We met on match.com and I live in a small town so it seems unusual for someone in Nigeria to even know about my town but the horrible thing is I was doing my search by religion which I always do and came across him. I looked at his profile and he seemed like such a nice guy and was very handsome. I made a comment on his picture and then boom we were talking almost everyday up until today when I blocked him and reported him as a scammer on WhatsApp. I believed it was real I believed he was real and then when he said he loved me it made me feel so happy. He said he was going to come home and retire from the cia next week and that we’d spend Christmas together. I can’t believe I feel for everything. But I kept praying about him the whole time and asking God to help guide me through this because I became so attached so quickly. They are very manipulating and convincing. But my gut told me something was wrong when he asked me for money I began to think he wasn’t who he says he was then started researching as much as I could online till I got to the bottom of it. That was today when I found the real guy. In one of the photos there was a name of the photography studio that took the picture of him and I searched it and found names there and searched Facebook for every name until I found the real guy and sure enough I did. He is a model in LA and ex military as well as a stunt man. It’s so weird I feel so confused and don’t know what to think. I reached out to him thinking he could help me get through the pain but he’s not the real guy I’ve been talking to ugh it’s so confusing. It’s sad that I’ll miss the messages and talking everyday to this person it’s so unreal but felt real at the time. I just hope I can get through the hurt and really see why this happened and what I can learn from it. Luckily it was only two months of my life and $300. But I really wanted this guy to be real and I thought he was the one, the guy in the pictures anyway that is but it’s not real none of it is and this will take time to get over. I actually opened up and told my mom and she just said don’t think about it and move on....really that’s not healthy I need to process my feelings and take time to grieve or I’ll never get over this. Why does it hurt so bad. And the saddest part is that the person behind the pictures is working hard to make you feel like you’re in a relationship when people in real relationships don’t even work that hard. How can they do this without feeling anything. I hope they feel bad for all the people they hurt.....

TTRT
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Re: The Healing Process

Postby TTRT » Sun Dec 17, 2017 5:17 am

Iamrotho33,

Don't worry. You will recover. It takes time and it is just like you broke up with someone you love deeply. These are professionals, it is a job and a business to them. So they did their job well.

I was deeply in love with one for close to 3 months and knew at one point but decided to take it as far as I can go to hold on to rhe feelings. I have cried a lot, it feels real. No one will understand unless they go through it themselves.

These are narcissists and socio paths, very manipulative and know the trade well. We are all here to support and help you with your mainland recovery process, you are never alone in this.

I promise you will become stronger and know what to look for, etc. I have read a lot on this and research tons. That helped with my recovery process. It gets easier each day...you will come out to be a champion. Keep your head high and stay strong. We are here for you.

Rebuilding
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Re: The Healing Process

Postby Rebuilding » Mon Dec 25, 2017 6:06 am

Rebuilding,

It is not easy. I never told anyone. I cannot ever trll my friends and family but only on here. I lost $10,000 and I was willing to do it when I realized it. Someone once told me, if they can steal from you that means they need it more than you do.

Money can be earned back. Emotional and psychological impact take time to recover. I still havr my moments even though I know whoever "James Blair" is (I have to just mention the name for all to be careful) is not real, picture was stolen and maybe voice alteration software was used too.

Nonetheless, it takes time to disassociate and disconnect as well as accept the truth 100% even though I know it was a scam I just can't seem to drop it totally still.

I know all this will pass someday and laugh at it. Till then, this is tougher than I thought..Only the ones who go through will understand. Others do not and think of us as fools but we are not, these scammers are narcissists and socio paths unfortunately and problem is with them. It is a career and a business for them, understandable.

Thank you for all the support everyone and I am grateful for this site to help all victims with no judegement.
Hi TTRT,
Indeed it takes tome to heal. I accept the truth. No problem there, but the extremeness on my scam makes it emotionally difficult to engage society in some ways.. or even socially. I don't laugh at all about it. It has a jacked my life up good. Stole nearly a decade from me.

I am doing well though in many ways, however emotionally I still swing at often. The memories are very hard to overcome. But I know God has a plan for me and it was not for nothing. Somehow it will work out but maybe not how I would have thought. I have tried in the past to think that they needed it more than me. But the truth is they do not. They just want easy money. They will pay in this life or the next for what they have done. They did not need it that bad. Just evil and greed whether it is a profession for them or not. As a child we might steal something and not think anything of it. But as one is older and for me more aware of God in my life it is obvious stealing is wrong. But to them it is a part of life, although they know it is wrong and i don't understand it at all aside from they are children in adult bodies who have not grown up.

I stay strong and may all on here stay strong. One day we are weak and another we are strong but overall in the long term we will be stronger.

God Bless you and Merry Christmas.

Rebuilding
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Re: The Healing Process

Postby Rebuilding » Mon Dec 25, 2017 6:11 am

It’s been so helpful to find this support page because I just found out today the truth about a person is been talking to online for months and believed he was the person in the pictures and the videos he sent me. We met on match.com and I live in a small town so it seems unusual for someone in Nigeria to even know about my town but the horrible thing is I was doing my search by religion which I always do and came across him. I looked at his profile and he seemed like such a nice guy and was very handsome. I made a comment on his picture and then boom we were talking almost everyday up until today when I blocked him and reported him as a scammer on WhatsApp. I believed it was real I believed he was real and then when he said he loved me it made me feel so happy. He said he was going to come home and retire from the cia next week and that we’d spend Christmas together. I can’t believe I feel for everything. But I kept praying about him the whole time and asking God to help guide me through this because I became so attached so quickly. They are very manipulating and convincing. But my gut told me something was wrong when he asked me for money I began to think he wasn’t who he says he was then started researching as much as I could online till I got to the bottom of it. That was today when I found the real guy. In one of the photos there was a name of the photography studio that took the picture of him and I searched it and found names there and searched Facebook for every name until I found the real guy and sure enough I did. He is a model in LA and ex military as well as a stunt man. It’s so weird I feel so confused and don’t know what to think. I reached out to him thinking he could help me get through the pain but he’s not the real guy I’ve been talking to ugh it’s so confusing. It’s sad that I’ll miss the messages and talking everyday to this person it’s so unreal but felt real at the time. I just hope I can get through the hurt and really see why this happened and what I can learn from it. Luckily it was only two months of my life and $300. But I really wanted this guy to be real and I thought he was the one, the guy in the pictures anyway that is but it’s not real none of it is and this will take time to get over. I actually opened up and told my mom and she just said don’t think about it and move on....really that’s not healthy I need to process my feelings and take time to grieve or I’ll never get over this. Why does it hurt so bad. And the saddest part is that the person behind the pictures is working hard to make you feel like you’re in a relationship when people in real relationships don’t even work that hard. How can they do this without feeling anything. I hope they feel bad for all the people they hurt.....
Hi there, I am very glad you were smart. You got out fast and did not lose much. Nice job on that.. SERIOUSLY!
They do not feel bad, and they do not care who or how many they hurt. It is a very tribal thing there. but like anywhere power is gained through money. They laugh at us dumb people who get fooled and say its our own fault, but when they face God he says revenge is mine and they will get their punishment.

Stay strong in knowing you escaped without much harm. Many were not so fortunate.

Merry Christmas to you. Things will get better for us all in time.

TTRT
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Re: The Healing Process

Postby TTRT » Mon Dec 25, 2017 6:45 am

Rebuilding,

No worries. You will recover. Memories will always be there. I struggle a bit on and off but it gets easier day by day and will eventually not be affected by it, not one bit.

I have forgiven the scammer and found closure but was doing that for me than for him. I am a firm believer of Karma (goes back 7 years and goes forward 7 years). So he must have a reason for doing what he did..whatever it may be, I introduced my Buddhism practice to him.

Whatever happens is beyond my control but I did my part by forgiving him, finding closure and introducing Buddhism to him. I have him to thank for since it led me to this page amongst many more things (research).

We are all here to support one another. You are NOT t
all alone...

Rebuilding
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Re: The Healing Process

Postby Rebuilding » Tue Dec 26, 2017 6:00 am

Thank you for the great words TTRT. I have forgiven and we all must. Closure comes in many forms and is different for each person. It is wonderful to see you have handled it with Grace and kindness.

It depends on how deep you were involved and how major the psychological manipulation they performed. It was more than most on here will ever experience for me. I don't discuss much of it at all but it could fill a book. The financial element will take me years to recover from. But I am doing better in many ways. God has my back. I have peace and yet some days I do not.

I am here to encourage others and to understand their pains as well as I have tried to since early summer 2017. I am very glad to have been able to share both frustration and rebuilding of my own. Not everyone can move on so easy. Not everyone can attain closure so easily. I still have triggers that show up. More memories than most on here. In a world where it's hard for anyone but those who have been through this to understand the pain of the scam.. it is just as hard for those who have not endured the long long term scam I was in. Not proud of it but also makes it even harder to find anyone who can relate to the depth of it. It is becoming distant slowly but surely.

One day at a time. That's how I roll. With Jesus leading the way.

Merry Christmas.

Rippedtrust
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Re: The Healing Process

Postby Rippedtrust » Fri Jan 19, 2018 1:21 pm

Hi. I recently got a romance scam. It happen last month in dec 2017.
It happen for a month and it drain me mentally. Its ended because my fam member warn me he might be a scam and wake me up to reality.

After that I cant sleep. I cant work well. I cant even breath well. I dont give him any money but i share many of my secrets to him. He know my birthday and my full name also. They're so manipulative :( .

My question is, "will the romance scammer use our information agaist us in the future ?"

Its my 1st romance my entire 20s life. It broke me mentally and leave me with a fear to love and big trust issue.
I cant forget what he said. But i realise they're a pro. They dont feel anything for us. After that im just scared all the time about my information that he know.
And what is the best way to coping with all of this. Im a woman with a busy schedule work. And its been 2 week since i got my mental broke down. Cant do anything well.
I open up to some friends. And they say get over it or they take it lightly, or they laugh and call me stupid. I become super moody and depressed. Never feel like this before.

Im so glad i found this web. Everyone feel the same way as i did.
It will be helpful if anyone can answer my questions or help me in person to my question in my head. Thanks.

Rebuilding
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Re: The Healing Process

Postby Rebuilding » Wed Jan 24, 2018 4:49 am

Hi Rippedtrust,
Many of us know how you feel. I had it really bad. I still ache. I still get tears from nowhere. However I endured much more. The criminals may use the info against you sure. You can change all your info and account numbers. I actually never did though and never had an issue. If they try anything it will also track them down so it not always expected.

Our friends, counselors, and some others will call us dumb, or I told you so, or its not your fault. It will vary but most say we told you so. Of course they have never been brainwashed.

It takes time. There is not a lot anyone can say to help but that I say pray and ask for help from God, as well know that it will get better. Thankfully for you it was only a month and no money lost.

Hang in there. Tears will come and is perfectly fine.
God Bless you.

JUNE HO
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Re: The Healing Process

Postby JUNE HO » Sun Feb 04, 2018 2:39 am

Everything is still fresh in my mind..although 2 months already passed.( i already post my story in white male section) ...I try to move on with life..but it always keep in my mind.I just worried i will get depression if continued being like this.I live alone not far from my workplace..and did not have family by my side.I also did not have many friend.Its make me more sad.I feel everything about me was changed after being scammed.I lost all my saving money and my self confidence.I can not be happy and smile as before. I'm also also feeling down at myself.What i need to do? Any advice?

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Igulinka
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Re: The Healing Process

Postby Igulinka » Sun Feb 04, 2018 3:38 am

JUNE HO


Please know it will get better. I was there too and I felt the same. It's a true that after the scam you will never be the same because it truly hurts but please take a baby steps, one day at the time and I promise you will be healed and happy again.
Do not waste anymore time on thinking about the scammer. One day you will forgive him in order to forgive yourself and consider a scam as an isolated incident in your life, lesson learn hard-way . Occupy your time, don’t sit idle. Do something. Idleness is the foundation of self-pity and depression. The best thing is to help others. It is a universal principle, when you begin to focus on helping others your personal problems are diminishing, one service at a time.
Life is not over! Please give yourself all the time you need to grieve and things will get better. Feel better.
Confronting the scammer is WRONG!!! DON'T enlighten criminals with your wisdom. REPORT & BLOCK.
PHOTO VICTIM - "Do not confront the owner of the pictures, as they are victims themselves! You will only serve to further the terror and harm !" Silence Is Golden!!! I speak Polish.

JUNE HO
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Re: The Healing Process

Postby JUNE HO » Sun Feb 04, 2018 12:36 pm

Thank you..Maybe i was too hard to myself..until today i still can not forgive myself , for being very stupid .Trust to people that i never meet.
Yes, you are right..time will healed all my wound..and hopefully i will be happy again and always believed in the better future.

Rebuilding
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Re: The Healing Process

Postby Rebuilding » Mon Feb 12, 2018 6:45 pm

Thank you..Maybe i was too hard to myself..until today i still can not forgive myself , for being very stupid .Trust to people that i never meet.
Yes, you are right..time will healed all my wound..and hopefully i will be happy again and always believed in the better future.
Hi JUNE HO,

I don't think anyone is immune to being too hard on ourselves. I am still struggling at times. I feel the same that I was so foolish to trust and knowing the warning signs. They covered their bases well. I never thought people like this existed to this degree.

Hang in there as I am doing the same. One day things will smooth out for us, it is not impossible. But it does take some effort no matter what our beliefs.

God Bless you.

JUNE HO
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Re: The Healing Process

Postby JUNE HO » Tue Feb 13, 2018 12:32 pm

Thank you for your words Rebuilding...May God bless u too..
Right now i keep myself busy with my work. And i think it is the best way for myself recovery. And at the same time I always said to myself everything happen has it own reason.I must make all this bad things happened to me for experience in life and learned from my mistakes. Thanks to this site because I have someone thats I can share my bad feeling after being a victim..

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Re: The Healing Process

Postby Tearygirl » Sun Feb 18, 2018 2:20 pm

Hi All,

Reading the victim support and healing support sections really help me alot more than anything because before i stumble upon this site i was down daily and in fearful mode thinking what if the scammer misused all information about me. I also talk it out on a victim support line last week and they will check in on me in two weeks time. It is true not to be isolated and that's what the scammer wanted and that's my downfall. I ignored my instinct thinking why should I be letting go a ''perfect". Within 2 and a half months I lost 5 figures and now having to repay all the debts weighing down on my shoulder. I have also received death threat message before I blocked the scammer completely. The threat came after bank tried to get the money back. Problem with bank can't change account details and i can't close it down yet until i clear the overdrawn amount. The scary thing for me is the shock etc when I saw the true face of the scammer a complete opposite of the photos and the voice I heard was completely opposite to the videos scammer sent. I also couldn't get how scammer would fake the one time video on messenger without the audio which to me i thought it was live at that time.
I just wish the nightmare will be over in a day but it doesn't work that way does it? Even when I hear that time heals I just can't bring myself to believe it so. The scammer has destroyed everything inside of me and I felt like being in the valley of shadow of death. I even lost a momento that belongs to a deceased person so close to my heart and that I can never get it back. The lost that I felt is beyond my imagination and beyond anyone's level. Hopelessness and thinking that nobody can ever get me out of the mess caused by the scammer.

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