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Romance Scam

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The Healing Process

Emotional Support, Compassionate Friends
Rebuilding
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Re: The Healing Process

Postby Rebuilding » Sun Feb 18, 2018 3:59 pm

Hi Tearygirl,

I feel your pain. I still have some debt left and the emotional debt fades but it will always be inside me. I also remember how good they we're at fooling me. It is no surprise the man turned on you. They have horrbile tempers and in the end they are evil criminals who as you saw reveal their true nature. They want to now scare you.

Do all you can to shut down phones, emails, bank accounts. I can't see why the bank won't help but hopefully something will straighten out. I believe there is a non profit for helping people that get into legal issues due to financial problems after being scammed. I have avoided that thankfully.

It looks dark I know. Hard to see up. Literally take it one step one day one hour at a time. I was very scared at times also. They use that against you. Get you confused. Another thing is called gas lighting. A term used for them making you nuts by manipulation. Look it up.

They don't like to show their face, name, phone etc. They hide. They are cowards. Ruin lives and take your heart and money. Remember they most likely won't do more than they have because they will be exposed. My scammers know where I lived and my bank account and although the bank account changed banks they never came here or messed with my account. If it's a credit card yes they will try. But remember that first for them is to protect their face and name and scare you away. They got what they got from you and all they can do now is scare you.

Hang in there. Get to church or find some good people you trust. Sometimes talking to a good church pastor who does not know you can help or those people you called. I have found in the end talking it out helps. But nobody can heal the hurt. Time helps yes. Very few will understand what you feel. But at least people will listen. I will reply here if you want to write again but I don't always reply fast.

God bless you and help you today. It's Sunday find a church and go. Nobody can fix you but talk it out as you can. It's hard I know.

Re: The Healing Process

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Tearygirl
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Re: The Healing Process

Postby Tearygirl » Tue Feb 20, 2018 1:06 am

Thank you for responding and I appreciate you taking out time to do so. I never knew scumbag would be so skillful and play with psychology. The damage done by the scumbag is so severe especially inwardly. I will have to speak to the bank again as to what they can do if they can't change the account number. If they still not being helpful at all I can only shut it down once I clear the od in the next 5 months prayfully. But for now just have to monitor the account and report any suspicious entries which the bank never bother to advise after knowing the situation - all they said was it is for the police to deal with the matter. At the moment i am waiting for the outcome from the police's investigation so that i can close this horrible chapter of my life which will never fade away. I want to delete everything associated with the scumbag but just have to hold fire as it may be evidence for the police. Yes will always keep first thing first with church. I guess not bottling up has given me a chance to breathe again and just having to find a handful people whom I can fully trust and keep connecting with them to break the attachment to that scumbag. Would blocking scumbag's numbers suffice or best to change phone number completely? Thank you for hearing me out here.

JUNE HO
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Re: The Healing Process

Postby JUNE HO » Tue Feb 20, 2018 5:14 am

Hi Teary Girl,
Yes I know how u feel..I'm also just being scammed 3 month ago. I lost all my saving money that I earned for many years and also lost my self confidence. Its really hurt when someone betray our love and sometimes cheat our money..I'm very careful person..but those scammer also still can manipulated me.Its still very fresh in my mind.But life must goes on.
This site really helping me..Its give me many courage word.Just blocked all the scammer contact number and try to starting new life.
Its must very hard at first.But i know u will be okay...

Tearygirl
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Re: The Healing Process

Postby Tearygirl » Tue Feb 20, 2018 4:27 pm

Hi Jun Ho

I guess we ain't gonna be the same ever since. Is it wishful thinking that we would ever get back any monies that's been cheated out of our kindness trying to help. We wasted all our tears on worrying before we knew we have been scammed. It really does messes with our heads and different from the usual heartbreak. Really speechless.

Tearygirl
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Re: The Healing Process

Postby Tearygirl » Wed Feb 21, 2018 5:39 pm

Hi All

Did anyone go for counselling sessions to deal with the aftermath? Or is it not advisable if police investigation is going on? This terrible ordeal scares me. Why am I letting scumbag to win and defeat me? But they say I can't be harsh on myself.

Thanks.

Rebuilding
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Re: The Healing Process

Postby Rebuilding » Sat Feb 24, 2018 1:48 am

Hi All

Did anyone go for counselling sessions to deal with the aftermath? Or is it not advisable if police investigation is going on? This terrible ordeal scares me. Why am I letting scumbag to win and defeat me? But they say I can't be harsh on myself.

Thanks.

Hi there Tearygirl, I did not yet. I will at some point however I have read that most counselors have no idea how to treat virtual relationships that literally never existed but they did in our hearts and minds along with lots of trauma and time and money outlay. With that said.. you will come around. I think that it will never leave my mind but as i read elsewhere we have to defeat it by being successful. They get to live in fear in that wonderful country. Although some live all over the world. but in time they will get their due and God's vengeance is greater than we can ever do.

I was harsh on myself many a time. Sometimes I still am. It is ok. It is our fault and not our fault. Since we can't change it it is just a matter of getting through the painful healing parts. I hit some rather deep lows.

Hang in there, I know how you all feel trust me. I got the worst possible of it all less any legal trouble but plenty of debt. I could tell stories you would not believe but I can't on here.

Stay strong.

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Wingman182
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Re: The Healing Process

Postby Wingman182 » Mon Feb 26, 2018 6:10 pm

Hello Tearygirl and a belated welcome to RS.
I've had to take some time to myself for a while or I would have given an answer to your question sooner.

Tearygirl
“Did anyone go for counselling sessions to deal with the aftermath? Or is it not advisable if police investigation is going on?”
First I can't see how seeing a councilor would interfere with any sort of official investigation. So don't let that part effect your decision.
But to answer the first half of your question,,, Yes I have.
I don't know how I would have gotten through my healing process if not for the support group I was with. Their help, support, and guidance was invaluable.
But we are all volunteers here who have this one single crime in common. And we all help each other from our own personal experiences.
But support groups can't salve every problem. Sometimes many of us need a little extra help. And there is no shame in the need to ask for it. Nor is it a sign of weakness.
For me it was dealing with horrible nightmares I was having that were directly connected to me scam.
Those nightmares have stopped a long time ago. But I learned techniques during my time with this therapist that I still use to this day. And they help me deal with other problems and stresses that come up in my life.
Bottom line though is that it is completely up to you.
But if you feel you could benefit from seeing someone then I say go for it.
Couldn't hurt,,,,, Mite help.
Wingman182 Pay It Forward

Tearygirl
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Re: The Healing Process

Postby Tearygirl » Mon Mar 05, 2018 5:23 am

Thank you, Rebuilding and Wingman182. Reading your responses means alot to me. Have you ever felt that people is expecting you to be part of something again and not to isolate yourself? But I just don't feel they understand the tormenting pain. It didn't matter to me if I'm gone from this earth if the death threat was for real. What really matters Is that I couldn't keep the promise to what's most important in my life due to the debt burden caused by the scumbag scammer. One month after the silence I still get the scumbag scammer sending me 'recovery' email and to forget about the past. But I ignored the deception. Them revealing their face and changing to another person's stolen photos during the one month silence kinda gave me that tiny bit of a closure . it is really sickening to know that we ain't communicating to the person we thought we were communicating. Soon i be going for a counseling session and will see whether it will untangle the psychological mess created by the scumbag scammer. Does it take years and years for you all to recover emotionally?

Panic
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Re: The Healing Process

Postby Panic » Mon Mar 05, 2018 10:43 pm

don't know whether mine is a scammer or just someone with bad luck. The contract that he had signed was a fraud, the people that had interviewed him had used a company's name on the contract so it would look authentic.

He traveled to Turkey where the job site was, after he got an apartment with amount of money he had with him, his bank had frozen his account when he tried to withdraw money from the ATM in Turkey so I had sent money for some of the tasks like hiring workers. But then after the work was done and he was on his way back, he was taken into custody for tax evasion. I helped him with that because at this point I was hoping that if I help him, he would be able to come home and pay me my money back.

When he tried to get a flight out of Turkey again, the police arrested him because the contract was fraud, now he's in a jail cell asking for money for a lawyer and bail money. I don't have much money left but again that hope of getting all my money back if I send him the money for both is there and i'm so panicked and just realizing that I might never get my money back.

If I don't send the money, he says he'll just die there.

On the site that I met him on, he was a paid premium member so I thought they did a background check on him. Sometimes I feel so ashamed at what I had done the last couple weeks constantly hoping he'll be home and he'll pay me back. Right now I feel like killing myself but then I think about my little daughter.

I constantly reminded him that I have my daughter as my responsibility so I need my money back.


I think the madness, the panic happens because of how sweetly and beautifully he spoke the first 3 weeks we spoke on the phone and messaged. Being from an abusive, hell marriage, it was so refreshing to have someone speak in such a beautiful caring way to me. He supported me when I was stressed for my exams and now I'm facing a completely different situation of losing all this money I sent him.

Panic
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Re: The Healing Process

Postby Panic » Mon Mar 05, 2018 10:46 pm

Sorry about any typos, I just rambled on because all of this is so out of character for me to do. I don't trust anyone but I trusted him.

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Igulinka
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Re: The Healing Process

Postby Igulinka » Tue Mar 06, 2018 3:13 am

Panic


You have a Nigerian mafia operating from Turkey. Please DO NOT send a broken penny. Money is a root of evil and they will never stop to ruin your life if they'll get any. Everyone has the same story here.

Please post: fake profile, email address, phone numbers, pictures, money request info.
Please DO NOT confront the scammers, BLOCK them and IGNORE, surf safe online.
Confronting the scammer is WRONG!!! DON'T enlighten criminals with your wisdom. REPORT & BLOCK.
PHOTO VICTIM - "Do not confront the owner of the pictures, as they are victims themselves! You will only serve to further the terror and harm !" Silence Is Golden!!! I speak Polish.

Panic
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Re: The Healing Process

Postby Panic » Tue Mar 06, 2018 1:01 pm

^^^
I will post everything but right now seeing everything from the past months and the state I'm in now after i unattached myself from the parasites, I feel like suicide is the best punishment for being irresponsible. I do feel like I was a bit crazed for just sending money to someone I never met. But they had a certain hold on me.

I did a reverse Google search on his pictures but nothing came up. I did do the same on his "lawyer" and found that he had used a innocent dentist's picture and a free consult.com email address to contact me.

The way he screwed with my head and emotionally manipulated me into sending the money shows how much they study up. I thought I was really in love and was helping a loved one.

I'll post up all info when I get a chance. I most likely will need to get a second job to get myself up to where I can pay my taxes for next year so I don't get into more trouble.

Rebuilding
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Re: The Healing Process

Postby Rebuilding » Tue Mar 06, 2018 9:48 pm

Hi TearyGirl,
It is a challenge to re-enter society in a way. I was a hermit pretty much for many years as I thought I was right. They want to isolate you and they do. They dont understand your pain and they never will. We have memories that never happened and emotions and love that happened in us but not in reality. how can anyone understand that? It is sickening. I am upset still. Trying to pick my life up and recover. Some days ok. It is getting easier but I still think of the girl. I have to almost have a funeral for her. It might help you in an odd way. It can take a while. It depends on the depth of it. I dont know I will ever get over it being the LONG long time I was in it.It is like it really happened and I have to treat it as it did somehow so I can let it go as a bad relationship/decision. I am still working through it.

Hang in there. It is best I can say.

Rebuilding
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Re: The Healing Process

Postby Rebuilding » Tue Mar 06, 2018 9:56 pm

Hi Panic,
what a mess. I totally understand. I dont have much time to reply for now. I was also sucked into the Turkey scam as a part of it. they got me send to several countries.. I actually MET face to face one of them thinking it was someone who was helping us and a friend of etc. etc. I hate those Nigerians... ok.. not all.. and not just them but they bad bad men and woman. The woman are in it also dont think otherwise.

All you are being told are lies. The arrests, etc. They play on your emotions. I still owe some more money. I did some work to get some debt forgiven from a friend. It is crazy I know. painful, tears... you name it. What did I do to deserve this? I totally know.

be strong.. pray if you pray. I have God and although it not make it all better at least I have something to hope in.
Don't send a dime and dont talk to those fools again.

Panic
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Re: The Healing Process

Postby Panic » Thu Mar 08, 2018 10:52 am

Hi Panic,
what a mess. I totally understand. I dont have much time to reply for now. I was also sucked into the Turkey scam as a part of it. they got me send to several countries.. I actually MET face to face one of them thinking it was someone who was helping us and a friend of etc. etc. I hate those Nigerians... ok.. not all.. and not just them but they bad bad men and woman. The woman are in it also dont think otherwise.

All you are being told are lies. The arrests, etc. They play on your emotions. I still owe some more money. I did some work to get some debt forgiven from a friend. It is crazy I know. painful, tears... you name it. What did I do to deserve this? I totally know.

be strong.. pray if you pray. I have God and although it not make it all better at least I have something to hope in.
Don't send a dime and dont talk to those fools again.
What happened when you told your family about this experience? No one understands. I was the type that never loaned out money to anyone nor do I trust anyone but then how is it that these men were able to get me to wire money so easily like that?

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