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Romance Scam

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The Healing Process

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Stupidity
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Re: The Healing Process

Postby Stupidity » Thu Aug 30, 2018 5:33 am

Thank you all for the support.

I am trying very hard to brace my each day.
At night i will cry till sleep.

Hoping time will heal the pain but the scar will definately remain.

Re: The Healing Process

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Rebuilding
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Re: The Healing Process

Postby Rebuilding » Fri Aug 31, 2018 8:36 pm

Hi there. You should change your username. We know we all were mistaken but try not to keep that label.

For me the scar is there. It's not leaving. It took too much of a chunk of my life. But am doing my best to move on. I remember being in tears trying to sleep. It is oh so painful. So you are not alone.

Feel free to post here. I think it helps to let out some steam.

Hang tough.

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Wingman182
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Re: The Healing Process

Postby Wingman182 » Tue Sep 04, 2018 3:51 pm

Hello S. and a belated welcome to R.S.
Like the other I will not use the name you have chosen for yourself here. You have already been through enough. And as the others have said it is a name that is completely undeserving, and only adds more pain to the suffering you are still going through.

We all know how hard and painful it is in the beginning once you have realized that the one you have opened your heart out to turned out to be nothing but lies.
I hope you have read Igulinka's post closely because she has shared with you some of the truths you will need to deal with in order to start your road of healing.
And it is a road. It starts off in a very dark and black tunnel. As you travel this road the tunnel may seem to go on forever without end. But then at some point you will see that the black is slowly changing to different shades of gray. And past that gray you will start to see the light.
And I do promise you. There is light at the end of that tunnel and you will reach it.
It won't be easy, and I can not say how long it will take because we all heal in our own way and in our own time.

However before you can start your way along this road you need to listen to all of the good advice you have received here.
Stop and block any forms of communication with them.
Stop blaming yourself for what has happened to you because it is most definitely NOT your fault.
Stop worrying about the photo's of yourself that you had sent. The threats they are using are hollow. And they will most likely never go through with it.
The threats are only another attempt to get you back into paying them more money.
But as you have heard once they can not reach you, they will just spend their efforts working on other victims because going through with the threats WILL NOT bring them in any money. And that is ALL they want.
Please put aside any thoughts of hurting yourself. I nearly made this same mistake once. ONCE!!
But the pain and hurt will slowly get better. I promise you it will. And gradually you will rebuild your life once again. Whats more important is that you will come to love yourself again.
Finally and most certainly not last there is the grieving you are going through. And it truly is a grieving process because you have lost something that was very dear and close to you. This person may have been nothing but an invented profile, and everything that was said to you was nothing but lies. Your feeling were very true and genuine. And you deserve every right to grieve this painful loss.
But that's okay. You take all the time you need. There's not rush. The road will always be there. And you have found friends who are willing to help you because we have all been there to, traveling our own roads.

Take heart S. and hold strong because you are not alone.
Wingman182 Pay It Forward

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Re: The Healing Process

Postby Tristeza » Sat Nov 10, 2018 1:43 am

Eu fui enganada por dois anos, e só descobri que o homem que eu amava era um scammer porque nunca mostrava o rosto. Amei esse homem como nunca amei ninguém, mas como disse em dois anos nunca se mostrou!! Fiquei muito desconfiada e comecei pesquisar no Google fotos e quando achei eu não pude acreditar!! Era horrível!! Eu liguei na hora para ele e ele negou!! E me perguntou que golpe ele me deu para eu desconfiar? Eu realmente não pude dizer nada porque ele nunca me falou em dinheiro. Nunca me levou nada a não ser o meu coração. Eu pesquisei e vi muitas postagem referente a ele e percebi que ele é mestre no mundo de crimes. Mas o que me intrigou foi ele nunca me pedir nada. Estou sofrendo denunciei ele mesmo não tendo me levado nada e para minha família eu disse que ele morreu. Amo ele e sofro até hoje eu choro!! Aínda nos falamos por um mês após minha descoberta mas ele nunca assumiu quem era. Hoje estou afastada dele a uma semana e não sei se vou sobreviver sem entender como isso durou dois anos e o que ele estava esperando para me dá o golpe? São perguntas que nunca terei resposta e a minha formação só aumenta a cada dia. Hoje estou fazendo terapia mas não estou bem.


I was cheated for two years, and only found out that the man I loved was a scammer because he never showed his face. I loved this man like I've never loved anyone else, but as I said in two years it never showed !! I was very suspicious and started searching in Google photos and when I thought I could not believe !! It was awful !! I called him right away and he denied it !! And you asked me what a blow he gave me so I would not know? I really could not say anything because he never told me money. It never took anything but my heart. I searched and saw many post referring to him and realized that he is master in the world of crimes. But what intrigued me was that he never asked me for anything. I am suffering denunciating himself not having taken anything and for my family I said that he died. I love him and I suffer until today I cry !! We spoke for a month after my discovery but he never assumed who he was. Today I am away from him for a week and I do not know if I will survive without understanding how this lasted two years and what was he waiting for to hit me? These are questions I will never answer and my training only increases every day. I'm doing therapy today, but I'm not well.

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Re: The Healing Process

Postby oldernotwise » Fri Dec 28, 2018 2:07 pm

I’m new here and was completely unaware of the existence of romance scams.
Until 2 months ago.
Now I’m having a terrible time recovering.
Feeling very depressed and stupid and ashamed of myself for even thinking that someone would “fall in love” with me online.
I can’t seem to get him out of my head. I can’t sleep. I can’t find a reason to keep going.
I am still grieving the death of my husband 9 months ago. I was lonely but coping until this happened. So upset at myself for even replying to that first message- But I thought it wouldn’t do me any harm but it really did.
Thanks for listening.

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Igulinka
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Re: The Healing Process

Postby Igulinka » Fri Dec 28, 2018 6:41 pm

oldernotwise

We are very sorry for the loss of your husband and for the scam. Please take your time to heal, most of all keep occupied when ever thought of "him" will come into your head. It takes quite time to come back to "yourself" but there is a sunshine on horizon for each of us. Scammers don't have feelings. They don't care whom they hurt.

Please do not call yourself stupid. You were unaware but it doesn't make you stupid.

Please set for yourself a strict criteria for dating online such: distance and time to meet face to face etc. If the person can't fulfill it, it means most likely this person is only interested in online scam.

Please post: fake profile, email address, phone numbers, stolen photos, money request, etc. BLOCK and IGNORE scammers, feel better.
Confronting the scammer is WRONG!!! DON'T enlighten criminals with your wisdom. REPORT & BLOCK.
PHOTO VICTIM - "Do not confront the owner of the pictures, as they are victims themselves! You will only serve to further the terror and harm !" Silence Is Golden!!! I speak Polish.

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Re: The Healing Process

Postby oldernotwise » Fri Dec 28, 2018 10:32 pm

Thank you.
What occurred to me today was that there are very few people I feel comfortable in discussing this with and I guess this is why these scams are flourishing. Thank goodness you are here.

I was contacted by 3 romance scammers within 1 month. The scammer I told you about was the only one I fell for. I reported them,but 2 out of 3 are still out there on social media. And I got a message today that 1 scammer has been shut down. Not sure what to do now. What if I’m wrong? If the social media site can’t find any wrongdoing?

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Igulinka
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Re: The Healing Process

Postby Igulinka » Fri Dec 28, 2018 11:34 pm

Just post all info about the scammers here and we will look into it.
Please do not let your precious time to be consumed by them anymore.
Try to stay away from computer for a bit.
Take control in your hands and you will find yourself to feel better and empowered.
Good luck!

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Re: The Healing Process

Postby bluemoods » Fri Feb 15, 2019 1:23 am

Post what you have. I was contacted today by a scammer. fortunately I recognized the picture as that of an actor and posted what info I had here.

I'm very aware of the possibility of scammers. One of my friends who happens to be an Instagram model just had his FB and IG hacked by someone trying to impersonate him. He had to verify his identity and, go through a lot of hassle. These scammers don't realize how much they hurt the person they impersonate.
Last edited by FrumpyBB on Sat Feb 16, 2019 1:49 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Edited

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Re: The Healing Process

Postby Panic » Sun Apr 07, 2019 3:41 pm

The news media shows a romance scam victim in such a negative, judgmental, mocking way. The victims sent all the money so the blame is entirely gone from the scammers. "You sent the money". No one has any knowledge of such scams like the romance scam, when I talk about it to or try to inform, they don't even know what the heck it's all about and it's usually grouped together with the usual business, phone scams like it's even the same. These vultures development a relationship, create a strong, emotional attachment to the vulnerable victim(divorced, widowed, someone that is in deep emotional pain) for months then attack. Being in an abusive marriage where I was put down and abused, coming from that very painful life to divorce right up until the time of the scam---> I was taking courses and felt stressed and did not feel confident, my family was not close to me, the scammer was there every step pushing my confidence and being excited when I passed the exams, motivating me and saying how much he believed in me, so a deep bond was created, the same way a patient and a special therapist are or star counselor develops with a student or how a motivational speaker is with his audience. The kindred spirits. That's how I felt right before he started the "attack".

How below toilet level scum would they have to be. Always being smart, practical with money, never lending it out unless it's family it's unbelievable for me when I look back at it that I fell for this, it's like it wasn't even me or I was possessed because I don't recognize myself and am at awe at how I developed this attachment.

I remember even mentioning how when I was suspicious and started saying how there are some that are victims of romance scams that actually committed suicide after realizing the shock and horror of what had happened to them, the scammer was just how could you put me in the same group as those shameless animals, I'm just someone who is stuck here and need help....

Absolutely no one will understand what is done to a romance scam victim during that nightmarish time when they are being scammed until they actually go through it themselves.

The only positive news I've heard related to romance scam victims is that more is being done to stop it. How artificial intelligence is being used to foil online dating scams.
https://phys.org/news/2019-02-artificia ... ating.html

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Re: The Healing Process

Postby Rebuilding » Wed May 08, 2019 3:55 pm

The news media shows a romance scam victim in such a negative, judgmental, mocking way. The victims sent all the money so the blame is entirely gone from the scammers. "You sent the money". No one has any knowledge of such scams like the romance scam, when I talk about it to or try to inform, they don't even know what the heck it's all about and it's usually grouped together with the usual business, phone scams like it's even the same. These vultures development a relationship, create a strong, emotional attachment to the vulnerable victim(divorced, widowed, someone that is in deep emotional pain) for months then attack. Being in an abusive marriage where I was put down and abused, coming from that very painful life to divorce right up until the time of the scam---> I was taking courses and felt stressed and did not feel confident, my family was not close to me, the scammer was there every step pushing my confidence and being excited when I passed the exams, motivating me and saying how much he believed in me, so a deep bond was created, the same way a patient and a special therapist are or star counselor develops with a student or how a motivational speaker is with his audience. The kindred spirits. That's how I felt right before he started the "attack".

How below toilet level scum would they have to be. Always being smart, practical with money, never lending it out unless it's family it's unbelievable for me when I look back at it that I fell for this, it's like it wasn't even me or I was possessed because I don't recognize myself and am at awe at how I developed this attachment.

I remember even mentioning how when I was suspicious and started saying how there are some that are victims of romance scams that actually committed suicide after realizing the shock and horror of what had happened to them, the scammer was just how could you put me in the same group as those shameless animals, I'm just someone who is stuck here and need help....

Absolutely no one will understand what is done to a romance scam victim during that nightmarish time when they are being scammed until they actually go through it themselves.

The only positive news I've heard related to romance scam victims is that more is being done to stop it. How artificial intelligence is being used to foil online dating scams.
https://phys.org/news/2019-02-artificia ... ating.html
I can relate. Nobody understands at all what we went through. One family member even saying I don't know how you lived through it. For me, I just try to move on. It is like PTSD, it takes time to heal. The memories for me are real in my head, even though these things never happened. It's worse than a war, in some ways. Realizing this stuff never happened! The money and time I lost is real, that is for sure. The damage is real. I am doing better but it still haunts me. Granted I went through a lot more than the average person in a scam. But I am doing better. All you others hang in there. Not easy but its best we can do. Try each day to do something new.

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Wingman182
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Re: The Healing Process

Postby Wingman182 » Mon May 20, 2019 6:51 pm

Thank you for that post Rebuilding. And I am glad that you feel like you are starting to get better. And the wellness will always continue to grow. Day by day. Week by week and so on. It's true what they say. “Time heals all wounds”
But there was something else in your post that really struck a cord with me.
It was when you wrote that being a victim is not unlike PTSD.
From my prospective your spot on with that.
Not trying to discourage anyone but it's been 10 plus years for me now. And I find there are times I am still haunted by this crime to this day. And hardly a week can go by without me thinking about the scam at least once in one form or another.
And every time I do it brings with it a few moments of depression.
It doesn't last long though. I wont let it. I make myself think about something else, or find some other form of distraction. Anything to keep me from going anywhere near that slippery slope.
But as some of you may know the hardest time of all for me is during the month of December.
It's not only the anniversary of when the whole truth of the scam came crashing down on me.
It's also the anniversary of when I almost checked out of that great hotel call life. “Permanently.”
Even thinking about it now scares the hell out of me just knowing how close I really came.
Though I must admit the last two Decembers weren't as bad as they had been.
I still can't bring myself to set up a tree or decorate my place. But I can send back a more convincing smile to friends and family. That in it's self was a huge improvement.
Still can't find that old Christmas spirit I use to feel though. But I haven't given up on that yet. It's there. I know it is. Like everything else I just need a bit more time is all.

Anyway back to PTSD. And can it be used to describe the trauma of a romance scam victim?
Well lets look at some of my symptoms past and present for example shall we?
Deep depression. (Past)
Thoughts of self loathing. (Past)
Loss of self worth. (Past)
Loss of apatite. (Past)
Unhealthy lose of weight. (Past)
Sleepless nights. Or worse. Bad dreams and nightmares. (Past) “Thank God”
Haunting memories. (Past and present)
Moments of deep depression. (Past and present)
Moments of high levels of anxiety. (Past)
Moments of sudden, uncontrollable crying. (Past)
Thoughts of self terminating. (Past) “Another one thank God”
I could go on listing but I'm not trying to bring everybody down.
But there is one last thing I will list. And it may sound a little strange, but it's true to some degree. At least it is for me.
Survivors guilt. (Present)

Well if that doesn't sound like PTSD I don't what dose.
All I do know is that for me acceptance in many ways is how I moved forward then. And how I continue to do so now and into the future.
I accept the fact I was scamed.
I accept the fact I will never see justice come to those who wronged me.
I accept the fact that all of the money I had sent to help someone I truly believed in at the time is gone.
I've even had to accept the fact that I was being romanced scamed by another man. And not the woman I believed they were.
I've come to accept the fact that there will be moments in my live memories of this scam will come flooding back to me triggered by something. A sight, a song, or sometimes even a smell. And most times without warning.
And of course I accept that except for a very few, most people who have never been scamed or known someone who was will never truly understand.
They wont be able to understand how it happened in the first place.
They wont be able to understand how we all fell so deeply in love with someone we had only met through the internet.
And they will never understand how we could send our financial assistance to this someone when we truly believe they were desperate in one way or another. And that we were the only ones who could help them.
Something else that has helped me is also accepting that in ways beyond my understanding what had happened to me was in God's plan for me. In the end it has made me a better person in one very crucial way. I no longer view the world around me with very shallow eye's. I've learned to see the beauty within. And that it can be even more beautiful then what is seen on the outside. And my life as a whole has been more enriched by it.
And for those of you who are struggling with that particular bit of insight. You can always fall back on this little quote.
“What dose not kill us only serves to make us stronger.”
There is life after a romance scam. And I am not the only one who will pass on this truth.
The road is difficult without question. But it is a road that can not only be traveled.
It is a road that can be completed. Granted with plenty of time.
Wingman182 Pay It Forward

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Re: The Healing Process

Postby Snowed » Mon May 27, 2019 5:50 pm

I’m new here but thank you all for sharing your experiences and feelings is helping me a lot.

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Re: The Healing Process

Postby Mad99 » Thu Dec 05, 2019 3:27 am

I have been Romance scammed. I trusted him and gave him money. I am so ashamed. We talked for over 5 months. He was a part of my life. I will miss what I thought we had.
I can't tell anyone what I did or that he was a scammer. They kept warning me to be careful and not to give him money. I thought I knew him and I hadn't trusted any man for many years. I had been in an abusive marriage. This all seems so unfair. Are there no good men out there?
I feel so betrayed and I would love to catch him.
I am pretending to everyone that we just broke up.
I told him that I would find him and if not God would take care of him. He just laughed. From posts on here it sounds like he wont get caught, so I guess I will pretend everything is ok and hope God does punish him. Plus if I turn him in, everyone will know and he still won't get caught.
His pictures are on here, but I didn't learn of reverse image lookup til after he scammed me. I can't understand why they can't catch him. He is still on Hangouts and twitter. Can they not give locations? It doesn't make sense to me. We should be able to post that he is a scammer to warn other women.
Will I ever feel better?

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Wingman182
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Re: The Healing Process

Postby Wingman182 » Fri Dec 06, 2019 7:00 pm

Hello Mad99 and welcome to RS. I am deeply sorry that you have been hurt by these criminals. But please believe me when I say you have come to the right place. For we all truly understand what you have gone through and how you are feeling at this moment in time. For we have all been there ourselves.
We also understand why you find it difficult to tell anyone you know about what had truly happened between you and your special someone. First there is the embarrassment, and then the possible “I told you so's. “
But in truth it is very difficult for anyone outside of the scam to totally understand what had happened to you. And how you were manipulated into caring for this person so deeply.
These are highly trained criminals, and they are extremely good at what they do.
So please don't feel bad about what you do or do not say to others in your life. Just say what is most comfortable for you to say. And if you do not want them to know a thing then that's just fine. Besides the bottom line is that it is not about them anyway. This is all about you. And we are all here to help you if we can.
Unfortunately you are correct. This criminal will most likely never see justice. At least not in this life time. They hide behind false profiles which is why they can not be fingered out. When one profile is exposed to a service and reported they simply rebuild a new false profile and their right back to business.
But I also believe as you do. Their day will come to face the ultimate justice. And I for one take comfort in this knowledge.

In the mean time try not to make sense of this. Don't beat yourself up wondering way me. It was nothing you did. You were just unfortunate to come across a well trained criminal.
And to answer your question “ Will I ever feel better? “
Yes you will. You just have to give yourself some time is all.

Oh and to answer another question. Yes we are out there. It may seem like we are far and few between. But there really are some good guys out in the world.
And I pray that one day you will find one for yourself.
Just give yourself some time to heal first.
Wingman182 Pay It Forward

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