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Time to share my story

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Wingman182
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Time to share my story

Postby Wingman182 » Wed Feb 25, 2015 11:44 pm

The telling of ones story can be a victims single largest step on that road to recovery. This is usually, but not always the case. After all we all heal in our own way and in our own time. It had been my experience that some member will join and post very little, if they post all. Receiving what they need just by reading the post's and stories here. Then there are the tellers. Some will post what had happened to them in small segments here and there. And slowly their story unfolds over a period of time. And finally there are those who have to get as much as they can off their chest. And tell it all in one go, or at least most of it anyway. For myself I was one of these ( get it off my chest types ) and it was THE most difficult things I had ever done in my life. I was deeply hurt. Emotionally shattered and vulnerable. And my faith in TRUST was completely out the window. But in the end it was the BEST thing I could have done for myself. For it was that first significant step forward on the road we call healing. It also began my discovery of the therapeutic value in writing. This along with the support group I was with was what helped me get through the worst hell in my life. And a huge part of that support along with empathy and understanding is in the sharing of our stories.

I'm still a fairly new voice here in this forum. But it is high time for me to add to the support here by sharing my story. If for no other reason then for the Readers I had mentioned at the beginning. But also for the tellers as well.
Bare in mine that my story is a bit dated. My scam started in early April of 2008 and continued on until the beginning of December of that same year, But in the end it dose not mater when it happened, then or now. The pain and trauma remains the same.

So next you will see my original story exactly as it was posted then.
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Time to share my story

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Re: Time to share my story

Postby Wingman182 » Wed Feb 25, 2015 11:46 pm

God, I believed she was real written 24th December 2008


Before I tell my story know this information. Her name is Raji Opeyemi or Rita James. You will understand why the two names once you have read my story. She used this phone numbers to contact me +2348060848406 She also uses dating sites and yahoo. I just needed to get the warning out first.
It all started with a vary shy and timid first contact message sent to me at true.com. You see I got tired of the bar's and club's and started to try inter net dating for a change, and I had only been at it for three or four months before I got this message. She said she was new at inter net dating and that she came across my profile and it was the first one she wanted to write to.
She said I was her first contact, that she was shy and unsure about the whole thing. And she mentioned some anxiety about if I would get the message and if I would write back. That she knew she would be constantly checking her page for a return message.
As for me I always respond to a message sent to me, even if it is just to say sorry you live to far or sorry not interested. I think it is just the right thing to do. Plus I understood her anxiety, I felt it myself in the beginning. So I checked out her profile to learn more about her before I replied. It said she was from De. a bit of a stretch from Oh. but she said she would be willing to relocate if she met the right person.(About a month latter I tried to look up this profile and it had been deleted.)(Flag)
So I wrote her back and said I would like to get to know her better. She wrote back and asked if I could date someone who lived as far as she did. I told her De. is a distance but not off the planet. She told me she did not live there but lived in Nigeria. ( Flag)
I asked why her profile said De. she said a friend had helped her set up that profile. I asked why and she said she did not like the men there and wanted to start a new life here and to start a family God willing.
I told her I was will to get to know her better and we will see how it goes from there. And it went on like that for awhile and some how along the way she managed to get under my skin. We were emailing directly at yahoo and chatting there at this point.
Then she made a hard push about wanting to come here and be with me and starting telling me about the fees and what they were for and how I could help her come here to me.(Flag) It took me a moment to get her to slow down. I said I know the rest of the world thinks Americans are well to do but in fact most of us live pay check to pay check. That it would take me time to save up for the kind of help she was talking about. But we should look at this as a good thing. With the time need to save we could use it to get to know each other better.
At this point she did not want me to call her Raji Opeyemi any more that she had taken an American name to go with the new life she wanted to start here. From this point on she was Rita James.
All this time my guards were still up until I was contacted ( I thought at the time ) by the US embassy there in Nigeria about Rita's visa request and they need conformation as to her destination. When that happened I began to believe all of this was real. (Latter when I tried this embassy contact to find out more about this BTA form I would get a message error two days latter saying that the server took to long to respond.)
She tried calling me but most of the time the connection was bad. My cell service didn't include over seas and every time she called my bill got hit with a connection fee. I told her for us to really know each other that we would have to write our selves down with an open mind and a open heart. And we were, so I thought, now I realize she was just working me and she did a good job of it. She some how touched places in my heart I never knew was there and I fell in love with her. So much in love that I asked her to marry me. She knew the hook was sent deep at that point.
Here's the sad part, It was my choice. I needed her here in my life so I asked her to tell me every thing she needed right down to the last detail, and exactly how much all this would cost. She asked why and I told her I can get you here sooner but that it would be a race against time. That I could put off as many bills that I could for no longer than two months, after that things get nasty. I told her two months was make or break time.
Just one week into this she tells me her father has sold his shop where she worked and was retiring to South Africa. Since she is coming here she would stay where she was, but now needed my support for living expenses. After that there always seemed to be one thing after another. I was putting in extra hours to make up for the problems that kept coming up. And I was running on maybe four hours sleep a night if I was lucky.
Our chats that were starting around 1am had slowly shifted to starting at 3:30 to 4am. The stress from all of this was building to a breaking point, and I was having trouble thinking straight and told Rita this.
Looking back at it, being at peak stress levels was exactly where she wanted me, to keep me in panic mode. We got her visa (so I thought) and as for air fare her travel agent's $1,440.00 price was better then anything I could find on line at $1,600.00. So I sent her payments for the plane ticket.
I can't believe I did this, there were times I was sending nearly my whole pay check to her keeping just enough for fuel and mac & cheese that was all I was eating at the time. Please remember I thought I was doing all of this for my future wife.
The two months stretched into ten weeks. And when I sent the last payment she needed for her ticket home I told here there can't be another problem, you have to get on that plane, my well is dry and I got bill collectors on my back. She said no more problems baby I'm coming home to you love.
I went to work that day on such a high. I thought I did it, we did it. My love is coming home. After work I opened my email looking for her travel arrangements but instead she forwarded me a from she was given at the airport. It was a BTA(Basic Travel Allowance) form that stated to keep Nigerian citizens from becoming destitute they had to show they were carrying funds in order to board their flight. It was a vary official looking form, had all the right crests and seals but the wording and grammar didn't look right. At the bottom was a list of different types of visa's and dollar amounts needed. Next to her type of visa,a marriage visa was the amount she had to show $4,500.00 (I only have to show these funds, it's not a fee. You will get it all back when I land at the airport baby.)
I was crushed by this news. The well was dry and with western union fees included It took me ten weeks to send (your going to love this) a grand total of $5,421.20
As much as I loved her this BTA thing had all the feel of a final sting. No where in the world does an air line demand you carry large amounts of cash, they do just the opposite and tell you to use travelers checks. I needed to know more about this BTA and if it could be waved some how. So I called the Nigerian embassy here in D.C.(My visa contact didn't seem to exist any more.) and was told that this was a scam and that I should cut all contact.
I was done sending any more money to her. She had told me when she got here that she would find a job ASAP to help me dig myself out of the hole I made for myself to bring her home. And I had been telling her for weeks that she should look for work there just in case she would have to support herself. But she kept telling there were no good jobs there for her. I said I don't care if it's a bad job you need to get a job and NOW!
Four days go by and no word, then I get a call from a doctor who said Rita was in his care. That she has no one there and they found me listed as husband in her cell phone. And how I would pay for the care she was getting. And get this she was sick from taking the wrong type of birth control pill. I had asked her if she would start them and we would start a family after most of the dust settled.(She was to have been here almost a month ago now, per the plan we had set.)
This was to much. I told this doctor(Doctor Roy Dean) to email me in detail her vitals, medications and the douse being given to her, and the name of the hospital. My best friend is an RN and would know if this was BS or not. What he sent me was so vague and misspelled I didn't even have to bother my friend. And I did a search for the name of the hospital. The only one in the world by that name is in London England. But there was one last thing I needed to know.
I had been asking Rita for weeks that it would ease my worries if I could see something to show for all the hard work. I had asked her to scan her plane ticket (which she told me was always with her in her hand bag) and to scan her open passport so I could see it. She had told me the cafe didn't have a scanner so I told the doctor to this. He asked why and I told him point blank that unless I see prof I would not send a single cent. It took him 40 minutes to send it, and when he did he was so nice to take his lap top to Rita's room so she could chat with me.
Before I would say one word to her I took a close look at the passport (but the ticket was not with her)
The photo in the passport was a cut out of a photo she had already sent me. I blew up the details and it was a British passport issued one month earlier then the one I payed for.
I asked her why it was a British passport and she said that was where she was born. She had never mentioned that before. She had said her father was from the UK and her now decease mother was from Spain, but this was another first but all that didn't matter any more. The passport was what finally convinced my heart to listen to my brain.
Since when does the American embassy issue a British passport to a Nigerian citizen. Then it hit me, The US embassy in Nigeria is there to render aid to American citizens. They don't issue passports to locals.
That was almost three weeks ago. They have tried to call me twice, and the doctor has tried to reach me at yahoo. A few times I see an off line message, and there was one email telling me the chief doctor had questions for me. The calls go unanswered, the emails go without any reply. I know the truth now, in my heart as well as my head.
This is what I believe now. There is someone using the name Raji Opeyemi in Nigeria picking up the money I sent through western union. They keep a small fee for them selves then send the rest to Rita in jolly old England where I believe she really lives.(At the end of the doctors email address was co/uk)
The money I know is gone, it will take some time but I will recover from that. My heart is another story. I know she was a lie, nothing more than smoke and mirrors but my feeling for her were real. There is a hole in the center of my chest that just wont go away.
God I wish I had found this site sooner, but now that I have I really need the help and support here.
I have read many post's and have posted replies to stories that mirrored my own. But now it is my turn to tell it all. I know this got a little long winded I just had so much to get off my chest. And if you have read this to the end I thank you for you time.
Here is the craziest part of my story. I know I was scamed, but I'm still in love with her. I wish I could just turn it off but I can't. I wake up feeling empty inside without her, and no matter how I try I can't get rid of this hole I feel in my heart.
My friends are understanding, but they don't understand, not like others do here.
I need this group, you are the only ones who truly know what I'm going through. And I have no where else to turn.
This may sound lame but if you can please help. Wingman182
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Re: Time to share my story

Postby Igulinka » Thu Feb 26, 2015 3:22 am

Wingman182

Hello. Thank you for sharing your story with us. I am very sorry to her that you had your heart brocken and you lost money :( . I know exactly how you feel. Unfortunately this horrible plague invaded the cyber space and feel like they are entitled to ruin other human beings lives. Thank you for coming here on the site and helping others . Now was truly your time and I hope you feel better.

Scammers do not feel empathy for anyone, less a victim they never cared about. Scammers have been trained to not feel emotional towards their targeted victims. They have emptied all human emotions in order to be a successful thievs. There is no margin for one grain of emotion as it is not profitable for the scammer . That's why they didn't care about your whole paycheck given to them. They would care less if you needed the life saving medicines.

You can not take back the fact that you were scammed. I wished I could undo it but I can't. It is a part of life that happened and is now in the past. In time the chapter closes and a new chapter starts. Please don't give up on your dreams. Please don't give up on hope and faith. I still believe dreams can come true. I am not going to let my scam experience take away my faith, hope and dreams. If I did I would never get over what happened. I want to get over what happened and be happy but that has to come from within one's self. Please try to count your blessings and what you do have. Try to look at the glass half full and not half empty. Things could of been a lot worse if we didn't find this place and wake up from their lies.
Good luck to you and thanks for sharing once again.

Please kindly post their email address, Skype, money request , where and whom money was sent. Please post stolen pictures the Nigerian mafia used to create this female character.
Confronting the scammer is WRONG!!! DON'T enlighten criminals with your wisdom. REPORT & BLOCK.
PHOTO VICTIM - "Do not confront the owner of the pictures, as they are victims themselves! You will only serve to further the terror and harm !" Silence Is Golden!!! I speak Polish.

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Re: Time to share my story

Postby Pinky » Thu Feb 26, 2015 5:01 am

Awww, Wingman . . . You need a big ole cyber HUG :hugz: for that heartfelt share. I hope it helped you to get it out there, but you can be sure it will help so many others. Thank you.

I noticed you originally wrote that in 2008. You've been a great help on this site for a while now and I am sure you fully understand and relate to heartache and loss that most here have experienced and are experiencing. I also hope that by this time your own heart is healed. You have a big heart and a huge capacity to love. Armed with what you know now, no one can ever damage that again. You have so much to offer, I also hope you're back in the search for someone real who deserves your love.

One small detail in your story that doesn't really make any difference, but you might not be aware of, this Raji/Rita was and still is in Nigeria. Anyone, anywhere, can get a .uk email account. It's the IP address that she wouldn't have been able to hide back in 2008, so that's why she told you right off that she was in Nigeria. There's also a very good chance (like 99%) that Raji wasn't really female. Of all romance scammers, around 10% are actually women and in 2008, it was more like 1%.

Thanks again for sharing your story. It is especially good for us women here to know that a man truly understands and even shares our feelings about these scams. For me personally, I find myself less inclined to trust any male since most of these scams are perpetrated by males. Your message gives me hope.
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Re: Time to share my story

Postby FrumpyBB » Thu Feb 26, 2015 11:46 am

Thank you, Wingman :) your words are much appreciated :)
Please try your best to block ALL your scammer´s still incoming messages and calls!

What is all this? => The FAQ

The scammers vs. Why is "he" still doing it?

Why is alerting the man in the pictures DANGEROUS?

Please click why confronting my scammer is terribly wrong :)

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Re: Time to share my story

Postby Wingman182 » Fri Feb 27, 2015 12:19 am

Please kindly post their email address, Skype, money request , where and whom money was sent. Please post stolen pictures the Nigerian mafia used to create this female character.
Igulinka

Okay here they are but I'm sure how much good they will do since they are 6 years old now.

Rita/aka Raji - raji_opeyemi@yahoo.com
- mamarita44@yahoo.com

Doctor Roy Dean - doctorroydean@yahoo.com.co.uk

Jessica Mark - usa_nigeria_embassy@consult.com


And as for any pictures I'm afraid I can't help there. In my last post in my thread concerning my sister I had listed what I called the "Hard Hurtles " Number 3 on that list was closure. It is extremely hard for a victim to have because these were not a normal relationship where one can confront the other. But there are ways. It's all up to the victim to find the way that works best for them. And the way that worked for me was to hold a funeral ( meteorically speaking ) It entailed rereading every last email she/they/it sent one last time before they were deleted. I did the same with all of the photo's. So I'm sorry I have no pic's that they used to post.
One small detail in your story that doesn't really make any difference, but you might not be aware of, this Raji/Rita was and still is in Nigeria. Anyone, anywhere, can get a .uk email account.
Pinky

Yes I know. And I knew this was in the story. For a brief moment I had considered removing that part before posting but had decided not to. Somehow for me to preform any edits would in some way taint the post as a whole. I was completely naïve when it came to Romance scamming. I was new at Internet dating. And I was well aware of the financial scams that were on the Internet. But I had no idea that there were low life scum sucking dwelling vermin such as Internet romance scammers. My wrong conclusion as to her whereabouts in England are also testament to that naivety. So for the Readers, and the Teller's sake I had decided it should stay.

Pinky
There's also a very good chance (like 99%) that Raji wasn't really female. Of all romance scammers, around 10% are actually women and in 2008, it was more like 1%.
This was something that I did have to come to terms with. And at the time it was a hard pill to swallow. I do believe there was at least one female in their group who handled phone calls. But now I know and accept that there were times I was pouring my heart out to another man. In one of the last chats when my well had gone dry and they were trying desperately to get me to send more money the scammer had gotten clumsy. I went from chatting to a God fearing Christian woman to someone implying about looking forward to the sex we would have. Specifically certain unmentionable acts I had to look forward to them performing on my dings. I would find out later that the term dings is commonly used by African males when describing their genitals.

I have dealt with my pain. I have dealt with the loss. I have also moved on and have found love.I have re-found myself and have rebuilt my life. If I have any issues left it is anger. But even that has changed. I am no longer angry at my specific scammer, but scammers in general. What angers me the most is seeing another victim, another innocent good giving soul hurt by these criminals. The reason why I am doing all of this is stated in my signature. In other words doing my part to help with victim support.
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raji_opeyemi@yahoo.com

Postby IceFM » Fri Feb 27, 2015 12:54 am

Rita/aka Raji - raji_opeyemi@yahoo.com

Email give a Hit in FB for Raji Raja from Lagos/NIG; 1900 Friends

facebook.com/raji.o.raja

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Re: Time to share my story

Postby Wingman182 » Fri Feb 27, 2015 2:25 pm

Wingman
Okay here they are but I'm not sure how much good they will do since they are 6 years old now.
Wingman
But now I know and accept that there were times I was pouring my heart out to another man.
Wingman
I have dealt with my pain.
I stand corrected.

Putting a face to it has changed things just a bit.

God I feel sick to my stomach. :sigh:
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Re: Time to share my story

Postby Igulinka » Sat Feb 28, 2015 3:27 am

Wingman182

I am so sorry that after all those years it hurts so much. Please do not think about it, keep occupied, hung around real people. It was one sided love affair , created illusion.....C.R.I.M.E ....
You did not pour your heart to another man. You poured you heart to the love of your life. How could you know they were not real? They didn't announce that ? Did they?

Please accept that cyber romance scam it's a C.R.I.M.E and in order for horrible cold criminals to get their profits they brainwashed you, manipulated , humiliated, put spells , deprived you of sleep . You dd not do anything wrong. You only fell in love with the wrong person. Feel better :) . There is a life after the scam and you will smile again.
Confronting the scammer is WRONG!!! DON'T enlighten criminals with your wisdom. REPORT & BLOCK.
PHOTO VICTIM - "Do not confront the owner of the pictures, as they are victims themselves! You will only serve to further the terror and harm !" Silence Is Golden!!! I speak Polish.

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Re: Time to share my story

Postby Wingman182 » Sun Mar 01, 2015 9:09 pm

Igulinka
I am so sorry that after all those years it hurts so much. Please do not think about it, keep occupied, hung around real people. It was one sided love affair , created illusion
Thank you Igulinka for those words of support, they meant a lot to me.


Igulinka
,,, horrible cold criminals to get their profits they brainwashed you, manipulated , humiliated, put spells , deprived you of sleep .
I am all to familiar with these aspects of what these criminals do to their victims. Though there is another I would like to add to this list. Weight loss. I had taken sacrificing for this ( Phantom ) to an extreme. During that time I was sending money I was only holding a small amount for myself. Just enough for fuel and macaroni and cheese. And even this was cut to bare minimums. A cheep box of mac and cheese from ALDI's at .35 cent a box would be made to last me two day's. I would make up a box, then split it into two containers. One would be my work lunch for that day. And the other was for the next. And that was all I was allowing myself to eat. I was never a heavy person being 5'6” and around 165 lbs. In mid December a very concerned friend had made me get on their bathroom scales. They were worried I had become sick. At the time I thought I was fine. That was until I stepped onto those scales and looked down. I was 142 lbs. I was stunned, then took a really look at myself in the mirror. I was skin stretched on bone.
The problem was that even though I was no longer sending money thanks to the scam I had set up these eating habits and they were continuing. Not to forget to mention I was now making these sacrifices trying to dig myself out of the finical hole I was in. It took some time and a lot of help from the support I was getting to get back into better eating habits.

I would also like to thank IceFM for their time and effort in following up on those old email address I had thought would come up as dead ends. Your findings were a bit of a shock to put it mildly. If I were to ask myself how would I react if I saw even just one of their faces I would have said with anger. But that was not the case. I was at work and peeked in during my first break. Long story short it took everything I had to keep from vomiting into a near by trash can.
I had dealt with this issue in my head and in my heart, and I had thought I had closed the book on the matter. I was worn. There was one final step that was needed. To confront this issue face to face.
And thanks to you IceFM I have done just that. Well in a matter of speaking. In any case I do believe I can now truly close the book on this issue. For your time, work, and effort you have my heart felt and deepest gratitude.

This thank you also goes out the the rest of the staff here. Pinky, FrumpyBB, and all the other members of the staff that I have yet to meet. All of you who have dedicated yourselves and your time to a most worth while cause. Fighting scammer and support their victims. :applause:
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Re: Time to share my story

Postby Pinky » Mon Mar 02, 2015 12:29 am

Thanks for saying so Wingman. I'm sure I can speak for the others when I say, we do not do what we do for attention or notoriety, or even gratitude. We do it to offset the injustice and we definitely care about our members here. Still it's nice to know when we've helped or made a difference.

PM me your address and I'll send you a box of cookies. :D I guess I need to be scammed. Stress has the opposite effect on me. I eat ice cream.
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Re: Time to share my story

Postby Igulinka » Mon Mar 02, 2015 6:22 am

Wingman182

You are very welcome . You are on the right track into emotional recovery. Sending many blessings your way. The life gets better in time. You will be happy once again :hugz:
Confronting the scammer is WRONG!!! DON'T enlighten criminals with your wisdom. REPORT & BLOCK.
PHOTO VICTIM - "Do not confront the owner of the pictures, as they are victims themselves! You will only serve to further the terror and harm !" Silence Is Golden!!! I speak Polish.

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Re: Time to share my story

Postby blinded » Sat Jul 18, 2015 1:17 pm

Wingman 182,

I read your amazing story as I am going through my recovery as well. I just want you to know you are not alone. I feel the hole in my heart as well. Some days I wrestle with the hopes that maybe I was different and if I could talk with my scammer he would explain and everything will make sense. But I refuse to empower him again, because I know I am a good person that deserves better. I believe all things happen for a reason, even this. Because you like myself wanted the best for ourselves as well as our scammers. The scammer might of gotten away with the money, which can be replaced, but reclaim your heart, mind, and soul because its priceless, its nothing in the world like it. The love and hopes and dreams I had with my scammer I have redirected towards myself. Its a process but it is definitely their loss and our blessing.

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Re: Time to share my story

Postby Mindyy » Wed May 11, 2016 7:16 pm

Dear Wingman,

It's now 2016 and I am a victim of a Romance Scam.
God, I believed she was real written 24th December 2008

….The money I know is gone, it will take some time but I will recover from that. My heart is another story. I know she was a lie, nothing more than smoke and mirrors but my feeling for her were real. There is a hole in the center of my chest that just wont go away.
God I wish I had found this site sooner, but now that I have I really need the help and support here.
I have read many post's and have posted replies to stories that mirrored my own. But now it is my turn to tell it all. I know this got a little long winded I just had so much to get off my chest. And if you have read this to the end I thank you for you time.
Here is the craziest part of my story. I know I was scamed, but I'm still in love with her. I wish I could just turn it off but I can't. I wake up feeling empty inside without her, and no matter how I try I can't get rid of this hole I feel in my heart.
My friends are understanding, but they don't understand, not like others do here.
I need this group, you are the only ones who truly know what I'm going through. And I have no where else to turn.
This may sound lame but if you can please help. Wingman182
What you wrote has touched me to the very core as it brings tears to my eyes. Love is such a POWERFUL thing and when you feel it, it brings you a sense of joy and you want to exude even more love to the recipient. As I write this, tears stream down my face silently knowing that I've been duped in love.

Please know Wingman, by sharing your story, you are truly helping and supporting other's that fell into such trap. Thank you for sharing and now that I know, I feel what you have shared and this forum is the only place I feel that gives me the sense that you all here understand.

Though, I am new here, I will continue to read others' story and learn how to heal. Thank you to all that is behind this site and Igulinka for swiftly researching my scammer.

Ladyleny
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Joined: Wed Jun 22, 2016 12:32 am


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Re: Time to share my story

Postby Ladyleny » Wed Jun 22, 2016 1:22 am

Mr. Wingman 182
There are still real and good people is dating site. I found one in dating site although we did not click together, we became good friend and still in touch today. I want to share to you my experience this past few days and i hope it will give you some pointers. Some unknown person emailed me and said he got my email while surfing. He gave me his name and email address. I google it and it led me to this site. Apparently he is one of the scammers holding a red flag. Now i am wiser as i want to know jow far he will go andi hope romancescam.com can help me catch this one. You can still go to dating site but be alert. When there is money involve, then drop it. Dont get lure with the sweetness of words as Webster has a lot of it stored waiting to be use. Stay positive and i will pray you find the right girl for you.
Ladyleny

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