Hello keira first off don't worry about anything being off topic right now. For you at this point in your healing everything is on topic. But if you do post something that does not belong someone from the staff here will let you know. However as far as I am concerned this is your thread. And I would like you to think of this thread as your safe place to come and write what ever you feel the need to. And in the end you may fine the therapeutic value in just the act of writing your thoughts and feelings down just as many of us have. So as long as what you write will not be seen as offensive in anyway, write away my friend.
And inspiration from movies can manifest itself in many different ways, and not just about the scam part. Take my name here and the script after my signature at the bottom. Both are the direct results from inspiration risen from movies.
Wingman just means the friend that will do what he can to help when he can. (We do have personal lives to live as well.) But the 182 part comes from the movie “TURK 182”. It's about an off duty fire fighter who was alerted about a little girl that was trapped inside a burning building while he was at a bar. So the fire fighter went into the burning building with no regard to his own personal safety like all fire fighters do and he saved the little girls life. Unfortunately he was badly injured in the process. Now instead of being hailed as a hero for saving the little girl the city officials had turned their back on him because he had been drinking. He lost his job and his medical insurance. Even the mayor said out right that he did not have time to waist on a drunk.
Well the fire fighter had a younger brother who was not about to sit still for this and went on a one man campaign to show not only to the mayor, but to the entire city that his older brother mattered.
So the inspiration here is that for me 182 means that you, me, and all of us. Victims and survivors alike.
We matter !!!
And as for “Pay It Forward”. In short it's about a movie by the same name who's premise is about making the world a better place to live. One person helps three people who badly need it. And in return those three people help three more each. Then they do the same and so on. If the chain is not broken this pyramid effect of good will would one day make the entire world a better place to live. Okay enough said about the movies.
Well maybe one more reference,,, One of yours.
It´s interesting how everything reminds me now about romance scam, but I have seen another movie recently „Our idiot brother“ and I feel the same „idiot“
Of course most everything around you is going to remind you of the scam. You had been deeply hurt, worse you had been tricked into believing that this someone was a real person. Now you are facing the truth of it all. The person was never real. They never had any feeling for you what so ever. And no it dose not bother them in the slightest bit that they take advantage of good hearted people just to steal from them. And they could care less about the lives they destroy along the way as long as the money keeps flowing in. I don't know about you, but this sounds to me like a person without a soul. The last thing it sounds like is that you are an idiot. Your not and please don't think like that. You are where we either are or were. In a very dark place, but you have helping hands here to guide you toward the light at the end of the tunnel.
And I agree with Pinky. It sounds like you have put yourself on a clock when it comes to the progress of your healing. Again please don't do this. We all heal in our own way and in our own time. And there is no schedule. No set time limit. It simply takes the time it takes regardless if it's long or short.
Remember you are working through a massive psychological and emotional trauma. Be kind to yourself. And just give yourself what ever amount of time you need.
Don't feel bad about the bad dreams either. During my dark time I had trouble with reoccurring nightmares. I won't bother you with the details, but things were so bad when I woke up from them I would find my dog under my bed. Yes the same one as my avatar. A big Alaskan Malamute like him under my bed. I ended up having to see a good therapist to get over them. And you never have to feel ashamed about needing to ask for that type of help. Some things we just can't work out for ourselves.
But it is rare to see someone write about their dreams. After all it is a scary subject when you think about it. But this show me something new about you keira. You have strength and courage you are not giving yourself credit for.
Once you start to believe in yourself and come to love yourself again. You will see this strength and courage you have with your own eyes.
Just never loss hope. And if you ever need to talk. We are always here to listen.