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Re: Psychology of a victim

Posted: Wed Apr 13, 2016 5:10 pm
by keira
Thank you Wingman182, you are very kind and that´s very interesting what you wrote about your dog! Thank you all for support!

Re: Chris B Wexler -

Posted: Mon Apr 25, 2016 9:41 am
by keira
Hi Avalon1,
I almost envy you that you had such an intelligent scammer, mine was such an ass... He tortured me with his grammar so much! :lol:

I wanted to know if his letters to you were from his head or not, so I put some of his letters to you to Google and this is what I´ve found, he copied whole passages, here are some of them:

„I fell in love with you the moment I looked into your eyes, but I was so afraid of letting you in and being hurt again...“ I´ve found this here: , user: Jolie Ahmed, title: Egypt Vacation

„From the moment I met you, I knew you were someone special. I knew by the way you looked at me, talked to me...“ ... s/397.html

„This feeling of being both scared and at peace, of having both butterflies and a sense of calm, is a feeling that I have only dreamed about …“
Very frequently used by scammers, Google is full of it.

Re: Chris B Wexler -

Posted: Mon Apr 25, 2016 10:06 am
by Avalon1
Yeah, i know all this now, it was all stolen from somewhere in the net......that time, when being scammed, i had not even heared about romancescam, so i was deeply touched by his love letters.

I love to communicate in English and since i am german it was easy for him to make me believe in his honesty.
At least i did improve my English Skills alot when chatting with him.
But in the end i once said to him, that my English was now on an even higher level than his. Did n't know by that time, how true that was :D

But one thing is sure: you should better not envy me for such an intelligent scammer, cause the emotional damage might be more severe, although it surely depends on the individual (vic).
What I can confess is, he had brainwashed me so deeply, that it was only HIM left in my brain and the really bad feeling he gave me when telling me "I was the only one left to support him, otherwise he would starve and could not buy meds for his typhoid" - I was the one letting him die!

I had already left him and quit because of all the pressure he had put on me.
And yet, the message that he was a scammer some weeks later given by a stranger via FB really stroke me down.

Maybe it it s better to move this post to topic "psychology of a victim" - up to you ... :thinking: :thinking:

Re: Chris B Wexler -

Posted: Mon Apr 25, 2016 1:45 pm
by Igulinka

I can relate to you in every aspect you had written above. I am also not a native English speaker and details you described happened to me. I accepted to be brainwashed, manipulated , hypnotized, pulled spells on in order to forgive myself for letting my guards down. I don't wish anyone to walk in our shoes but I know absolutely everyone can get scammed one way or another. In very soon time you will realize how strong and powerful in knowledge you became so is keira - the other victim/survivor.

Re: Psychology of a victim

Posted: Mon Apr 25, 2016 1:51 pm
by keira
Yeah, i know all this now, it was all stolen from somewhere in the net......that time, when being scammed, i had not even heared about romancescam, so i was deeply touched by his love letters.
I fully understand you, I was also touched by his romantic letters. Now as I´m more aware of this, I see it in many movies and I see that this is the most powerful manipulation, at least on women, they start to behave irrationally and ignore danger. This is something very important I have learned by the scam, how powerful it is! And I learned, because of this, the person, who is wooed by someone new or already falling in love, should talk about it with somebody, and the worst thing he or she could do is to keep secrets, because then this person can be very easily manipulated!!! And this is exactly what the scammer did to me! I think this should be a rule even in not online relationships - to talk about it with a third person. KEEPING SECRETS ESPECIALLY IN ONLINE RELATIONSHIPS IS VERY BAD! The worst is that the person doesn´t even realize where is the turning point when he or she starts to lose control, thinking that still have control, but already lost it!
That was one of my biggest mistakes too that I had not known about anything like romance scams, so even if I knew he was lying, I couldn´t explain why and I wanted to find out.
At least i did improve my English Skills alot when chatting with him.
I hope that my vocabulary was not affected by Nigerian grammar! :( But at least I saw the Nigerian grammar in action. :lol:
But one thing is sure: you should better not envy me for such an intelligent scammer, cause the emotional damage might be more severe, although it surely depends on the individual (vic).
I think because of my scammer´s language skills were changing so much, that was one of the reasons that I didn´t fall in love with him, because I always doubted if he is literally stupid or intelligent, sensitive, contemplative... But even if his grammar was consistent, there were so many inconsistencies, that I would still doubt about his sincerity to me, but I wouldn´t have to bear his horrible grammar, this is how I meant it :) . But you are definitely right, that with an intelligent scammer it´s more likely the victim falls in love, and that is the biggest damage I was saved from. I will not write all my emotions and thoughts on these sites because scammers can read this too, but I´m thinking of publishing here some key parts of our conversation, there is seen very well how the language was changing. Now I know it was because there were more scammers writing to me in the name of one man, or at least somebody helped the first scammer.
What I can confess is, he had brainwashed me so deeply, that it was only HIM left in my brain and the really bad feeling he gave me when telling me "I was the only one left to support him, otherwise he would starve and could not buy meds for his typhoid" - I was the one letting him die!
Yes, I know this, I also couldn´t bear the guilt that some harm happened to someone because of me... We cared about and sacrificed so much for someone who didn´t care about us at all and would let us even die... :(

Re: Chris B Wexler -

Posted: Mon Apr 25, 2016 1:58 pm
by keira
Thank you, Igulinka!
Avalon1, I answered you in "Psychology of a victim". ;)

Psychology of a victim - Torn

Posted: Thu May 05, 2016 8:53 am
by Avalon1
I am TORN - lost the LOVE OF MY LIFE, MY SOULMATE - am BRAINWASHED and HYPNOTIZED - SCARED - and yet it still remains the urge to finally close my story, to speak with HIM one last time.... get his real name maybe, maybe a face which i can hate... but i can't, I AM TOO SCARED - and i also know i shouldn't do that of course...

so here it goes, when you have an intelligent scammer, a scammer ring globally organized, money probably not used to pump up the society of an african corrupt third world country, but to finance international terrorism.
OH MY GOODNESS, and MYSELF reporting also one of their holy fake companies, and THEY FOUND OUT! They are pissed, really mad now!

So now i am even more torn. Please add to above that now i am SCARED that they do me any harm by braking into my devices, or even worse. I am kind if PROUD that, obviously, reporting them here was efficient (...)

Re: Psychology of a victim

Posted: Thu May 05, 2016 9:15 am
by Pinky
For as long as this site had been here, for as long as I've been fighting the scammers, NEVER have we seem a instance of physical contact or personal scammer retaliation.

You're dealing with cowards. Criminals who flourish only in anonymity. Little boys, who hide behind lies, computers and layers of covert activities. They make threats to scare and intimidate but they are completely impotent.

You do not need to be afraid. You did the right thing and helped other victims. Be proud, not afraid.

Re: Psychology of a victim

Posted: Fri May 06, 2016 7:03 am
by keira
Hi Avalon1, I understand you, I was scared to death as well as you, but believe Pinky, she is an expert!as Pinky said, there will not be physical contact,... Yes, I see, your scammers are really troublesome, maybe they know they still have power over you, I hate them so much! Forget about the imagination you created about your beloved, there was no such person, there was only a nasty young criminal who doesn´t care about you at all. Read the stories of other people and you will see they are able to ruin their victim completely. I also read baiter stories, that moved me much further too, I recommend it, it´s very instructive about how scammers think, you will see they have no mercy on us, they hate us from the deep of their hearts, the more they ruin us the happier they are! :evil: It was planned and it was their aim to manipulate our feelings so that they can laugh at us! When I read my scammers letters in the light of my new knowledges, everything what seemed to me that it was about his love to me, now it´s only heartless and soulless babble. :roll: All they want is money, not you.

Re: Psychology of a victim

Posted: Fri May 06, 2016 3:03 pm
by Avalon1
Many thanks Keira. Which topic do you recommend to read baiter stories?

Re: Psychology of a victim

Posted: Sat May 07, 2016 2:21 pm
by keira
For those who are interested in scammer stories, here is mine, I didn´t correct it, it´s original 100% NIGERIAN GRAMMAR! I looked up some parts of the scammer´s letters on Google and there were many quotes! (Although changed a little bit). The last thing that kept me believing that the scammer wasn´t that stupid and now I know that was not from his head. :shock: Now I see I was corresponding with a complete idiot! It really was usually somehow out of context, but I thought he is just a little bit crazy. :silly:
Not that I wouldn´t heal without knowing who were my scammers, but I had so many strange encounters in my life, that I can´t be sure I won´t meet the scammer and in that case I want to know who I have the „honor“ to meet. So if someone accidentally recognizes his style, let me know.
He used very often for example „to say in effect“, „with due respect“, „cast passions on sb“, „matured lady“, „what do you take me for“, one or two question marks in a declarative sentence, he often told me that I am „confused“ with intention to advocate his bullshit, I think he didn´t have much respect for women, because sometimes he said that the man must be in control of his wife and even when I said that the man should protect his wife he understood it this way, and when I expressed objections to his stupid lies, he said that he will not tolerate this behaviour „from a woman“.

Re: Psychology of a victim

Posted: Sat May 07, 2016 2:24 pm
by keira
It started on Facebook with some „Hi“ or something like that, we exchanged some messages, then he did something, he said he updated his profile, and I lost those messages. Then he pretended that he had some problems with his Facebook account, he wanted me to help him with some settings „How i wish you are right here to help me out with it ..“, he said he is new on Facebook! (- He checked by this that I am helpful and sacrifice time for him)
He wrote that he updated his profile because he wanted to have a „clear communication with me“, he wanted to have „privacy“! (I didn´t see anything wrong in this, I think it´s normal if people want privacy, now I´m thinking about what clear communication with me has to do with updating his profile, now even that „clear communication“ sounds sinister, because now I know why he wanted that :roll: ). He wanted to communicate through Skype or Whatsapp right from the beginning, but I didn´t use them.

Re: Psychology of a victim

Posted: Sat May 07, 2016 2:34 pm
by keira
22/2/2016 19:21
After I helped him with the setting, it started:
Please i will like to know you more better please ..
How old are you ..

(me: xx, sorry I have to go....)
Am 53 years old
Please wait ok
Are you married?

(me: no)
Thank God

(me: Thank God that I´m not married?)
I am a widow ?? (- he used often 2 question marks)
With 2 motherless kids??
Please i want us to be good friends ..
I admire your nature .. that was the major reason why i sent you a friend request ??

(me: What you mean by my nature?)
I mean you silm fit .. :mrgreen:
(me: I see, you mean physical appearance.) (I thought this jerk wants either cheap sex or porn)
Please with all due respect, can i be with you .. (he used very often this phrase, or „with due respect“)
I want you ..
I live a very lonely life..
I need a matured and understanding lady, someone whom i can share my joy and pain with ??

(me: ?) (- it was strange to me why a man in his age considers me a „mature lady“, I thought this is how he wants to flatter me, but now I know this is just some prewritten thing, later he also used the expression „mature“ for manipulation, especially when he was advocating some silly thing. But I can imagine, that for a young Nigerian even a woman who is 10 years older than him belongs to grave, as I learnt later he doesn´t have much respect for women...)
I know it might sound crazy to you
But the truth is that i am in search of a lady whom i will grow old with

(me: It sounds, because this is totally absurd in this situation. And you don´t even know me. Why don´t you search in the USA where you live?)
Is true that i do not know you in person
No no no ..
I need a lady with a different culture
(- I thought maybe he considers me a naive girl from some underdeveloped country where he can be „somebody“, it sounded quite absurd and offensive, but I just thought he is a jerk and wanted to know where he aims)
(me: That´s interesting! Why?)
Ladies over here is too learned, and the hate advice
I don´t think i can cope with them..
But is not as if there no better ladies arround anyway, but am following my spirit ..

(What do you mean by learned?)
I mean they don´t like being controlled by a man
(me: That´s interesting! But I think it´s the same nowadays in all civilized countries.)
You know we only live once, but if we do things right, once is enough, i hate making mistakes. (Quote from Mae West)
Since i know the vice and behavior of ladies here in states I don´t think there is a need to involve myself with them again
(- I went to sleep but he continued to write, I read it the next day)
Is just my personal discussion, because must families men that is married to U.S full citizens normally complain that there ladies is losing it
The reason I talk to myself is because I'm the only one whose answers I accept, i work according to my inner spirit. (George Carlin quote)
(- I thought: This is how he wants to woo me??? That he is not willing to compromises? This is not good for relationship...)
My imagination is very rapid; and my admiration to love, is to end my Insanity to a matrimony, that is just my wish for us ?? (Jane Austen: Pride and Prejudice) (-I remember I didn´t understand at all why he is writing to me these things and what he wants to say by that, I thought he is crazy)

I found it very much out of context, but I didn´t want to be rude, so I wanted to politely refuse him:

Re: Psychology of a victim

Posted: Sat May 07, 2016 2:41 pm
by keira
The next day 23/2/2016 13:47

(me: I´m afraid I´m not the right person for this, I don´t have bad life, no reason to do some big change... It sounds very crazy for me to talk about matrimony with a complete stranger, it´s very crazy for me...)
Then he wrote his wife „died 21 September 2014“
You need to face reality not just for my sake, but for the sake of your future .. (this manipulation made me angry)
(me: What is reality?)
You are not getting any younger, and you know it .. (SO THIS IS THE RUDEST INSULT A MAN CAN SAY TO A WOMAN, that she is so worthless that he is her only chance!!! :evil: Like in the movie „We need to talk about Kevin“. At this point I was sure this man is crazy and very stupid, but there were so many inconsistencies and surprising things he wrote, this was so unusual to me, I had never encountered anything like that before, I wanted to know what is behind, why he is writing me those things. I know that some people will say that I deserved to be scammed if I talk to jerks. Ok, I don´t regret this experience, I learned something new. I´m some kind of „resercher of life“ and a by-product of it is that I sometimes get into trouble. And this was so much different than what I had experienced, that the most important for me was to find out what is behind this behaviour. I had never heard about romance scamming before, so this finding was something completely new to me. I knew that this man was lying, but it was so different than anything else, that I wanted to know why he is lying to me, what he wants?)
I am not in a hurry ..
I want us to study ourselves
Just give me the chance..

(me: Is it because you are Christian, or why is marriage so important to you?)
Because of my kids ..
And i as well ..
I feel very lonely ?
I need a mature and understanding lady of your class ..

(me: What is my class?)
I am not rich, but i believe that i have all it takes to take care of us ..
My marriage is very successful
Just that i can cheat nature.
Death came, and took away my wife ..
Death is irresistible
I tried all i could to save my wifes life, But all my effort adn all the money i spent couldn´t buy her life..
She have kidney problem
She had a surgery, then after 3 months her lounges started swelling up
That was back in London, I relocated to California after the death of my wife
I am originally from belfast northern ireland london..
:shock: (Does anybody know where is that? I couln´t find it on a map.)
I relocated because i couldn´t bear the pain, i needed to start up a new life
I love my wife her so much ??
I do..
(me: It´s late, I go to sleep.) ( - I thought: „what a cliché...“, I was tired of him.)
Sometimes even to the extent to donate my left kidney to her
(me: Did you donate your kidney to her???)
Yes i did ..
(me: Wow) ( – I thought: „even bigger cliché!“)
Please don´t leave me ..
Am fit and sound ..

(me: I´m very tired, I have to go.)
Am sorry ..
(me: Bye!)
But please i want you to understand that i am fit and strong..
(me: OK, I understand. One kidney is enough if it works well.)
Am strong medically ..
(me: Now I go, bye!)
Ok my dear hope to have a chat with you again ..
I will be very busy tommorrow
But i will try and make out time for us to have a chat ok

Re: Psychology of a victim

Posted: Sat May 07, 2016 2:52 pm
by keira
Two days later 25/1/2016 11:11

Good morning my dear how are you doing, i have been waiting to read from you but you never replied to my message, hope all is well with you, have been thinking about you how are you .. (- I thought: „jerk, you said you will be busy, why should I write...“)
Please i will like to have a chat with you ..
(me: Hi, I have to say that I have bad feeling from this. I don´t think I´m what you want. You said that you don´t like educated women. I´m not a motherly type. I don´t think family is the right thing for me...) ( - I wanted to scare him away)
My dear i have gone through your message, and i quite understand what you mean, what i was saying in effect was that, united states ladies knows more than the should know as a woman from my own observation?
(he used often „in effect“... Maybe this was one of the scarce moments of the scammer when he was sincere, that US ladies know about romance scam!!! :thinking: But as I had never heard about anything like that, so I couldn´t match his behaviour to anything I had known before, so I thought most probably he wants a cheap lover who is not aware of her rights and therefore he can lie to her and manipulate or somebody who admires her man unconditionally. I didn´t think about money at all, it couldn´t even came to my mind to connect this kind of behaviour to money cheating)
(me: For example what they know more then they should? )
I'm still in elementary but even though people might laugh at me and say I don't know the meaning of love (- another sincere moment of the scammer??? :thinking: ), well I am a survivor of kidney transplant, and have went through chemo 4 times, but there was a miracle, they miracle is you.. Because I believe that with you my health will be more better, that is what my spirit keep telling me. (he said his health is ok before... I left it without answer.)