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Boyfriend scammed - not sure what to do

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concernedGF
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Boyfriend scammed - not sure what to do

Postby concernedGF » Sun Aug 21, 2016 11:30 pm

I originally posted this in General Discussion but then found this thread, where it may be more appropriate.

My boyfriend of just over 2 months just informed me that he was being scammed by someone who he met on Match.com before he met me. It has been going on for almost a year! I am just floored and not sure what to do. I am sad, angry, scared, completely amazed at his stupidity (sorry, I know lots of people on here have been targets/victims too). Part me of says I should just cut it off with him and run, not walk, from this relationship, and the other part says that I do care about him, and his VERY irresponsible decisions have nothing to do with our relationship. He has ended it with this "woman", but she is still harassing him for money. I guessed that he was being scammed from things he told me, and I cannot believe he fell for this and so deeply. I found references to this "woman" as a scammer in just one google search, as well as on this website among others. I have sent him articles and resources on what to do to get away from the situation, report it, and protect himself.

What should I do? TIA

Boyfriend scammed - not sure what to do

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Re: Boyfriend scammed - not sure what to do

Postby Pinky » Mon Aug 22, 2016 2:29 am

I don't think you should stay with this guy if you really think he is stupid. It would be better if you found an intellectual equal.

But before you dump him, consider a few things first. Does he have a skill, talent, education or employment that allowed him to support someone he thought he loved. In other words, did he use/lose his own money?

Does he have enough computer skills to understand email, chat clients, social media, dating sites, money transfers, etc?

Is/was he lonely and needing companionship and instead of being depressed and feeling sorry for himself, took the initiative to find someone?

Is he the kind of guy that wants to be a problem solver and a support the woman he loves.

Is he generous to a fault, willing to give someone in need the shirt off his back.

It's he tender hearted, loving, trusting, compassionate and kind?

Is he naive and unaware of criminals on the Internet? Or is he stupid?

If he's stupid, you should leave him. You can't fix stupid. If he's everything else but stupid and you leave him when he's hurting. . . well you might be doing him a favor.
If your question isn't answered in the FAQ, please message a green Moderator or red Admin. We need to know.

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Re: Boyfriend scammed - not sure what to do

Postby Igulinka » Mon Aug 22, 2016 3:27 am

I am sad, angry, scared, completely amazed at his stupidity (sorry, I know lots of people on here have been targets/victims too).
Yes you should be very sorry to be so insensitive to the victims of the scams which went through the hell and insane and they will remember this horrible experience to the rest of their lives. Only person who has no idea what a victim is going through psychologically would say it. So in my opinion you should let him go because you are very judgmental and it will only slow his recovery process. Victims of any kind of crimes need someone who will be for them a safe heavens and for sure they don't need to hear how stupid they are.
his VERY irresponsible decisions have nothing to do with our relationship.
....
"his VERY irresponsible decisions "
....make you ....
"sad, angry, scared, completely amazed at his stupidity"
That has to do everything with your relationship , because it sounds to me that you won't let it go even if he is done with it.
If you care for him don't judge him, let him take all the time he needs to heal from the romance illusion. In the meantime read more about cyber crime so you can understand him better. Trust me , not many scammed men took easy the news that they are being scammed actually by another male which plays female's role. Once again, the victim of the horrible scam as is romance scam needs warm loving heart. patience, kindness, care not another punishment.
Good luck to you both.
Confronting the scammer is WRONG!!! DON'T enlighten criminals with your wisdom. REPORT & BLOCK.
PHOTO VICTIM - "Do not confront the owner of the pictures, as they are victims themselves! You will only serve to further the terror and harm !" Silence Is Golden!!! I speak Polish.

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Re: Boyfriend scammed - not sure what to do

Postby concernedGF » Mon Aug 22, 2016 6:14 pm

I am sorry I offended all of you. I do care about this man very much and want to help him through. He lost over $100,000, and I am heart broken for him. I posted that out of desperation and shock. I had just found out hours before. Please don't attack me or other significant others that are just trying to make sense of this to better help. I am very frightened for him now since the threats are escalating. He had no idea the depth of the scam until I started googling "her" for him. I ask that the administrators please remove my posts. I will not post again.

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Re: Boyfriend scammed - not sure what to do

Postby Pinky » Mon Aug 22, 2016 7:10 pm

Apology accepted.

I don't think admin will remove your post because it's a classic example of how people on the outside of this horrific crime do think of romance scam victims - and what keeps many victims, mostly men, silent. Aside from the financial and emotional damages, attitudes like yours are our most difficult battles to fight.

If you care for this guy, first please acknowledge him for the depth of faith and trust he has in you and the courage it took to confide in you.

Understand the old cliche 'love is blind'. It makes us all do crazy things sometimes, including trusting too much. This is why scammers succeed. They exploit those who love because they do not love.

Next please, BOTH of you, work together on this. You can support him in recovering from and exposing the scam. Read the FAQ'S on this site to start. And there is also a section entitled 'No one here is stupid' which might allow you to forgive us for our somewhat harsh reaction to your initial post.
If your question isn't answered in the FAQ, please message a green Moderator or red Admin. We need to know.

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Re: Boyfriend scammed - not sure what to do

Postby concernedGF » Mon Aug 22, 2016 9:35 pm

Thank you for your response. Like I said, that post was my initial reaction and my own seeking of someone to talk to since I cannot/would not tell anyone about what he told me. I do not think he is stupid at all and would NEVER say anything like that to him. His confiding in me has already brought us closer and filled in the blanks that were bothering me about our new relationship and why he was so stressed and unhappy. I am horrified and am angry on his behalf.

I really care about him, and am trying really hard to be supportive, loving and patient. I am also trying to find a balance between being there for him and not being a nag with questions and suggestions. I am reading everything I can find, since he does not seem ready to yet.

I am trying to help him block "her" on everything. "She" keeps contacting him with different phone numbers and having her other "family members" call. I am urging him, no matter how badly he wants to tell them off, to please just ghost on them. I asked him if he would want to change his phone number, email, etc., but he says it would be too hard to start over with new ones. I wonder if these people could have hacked and be monitoring his email? Are they that sophisticated? I sent him the link to this group, especially since I found "her" listed on this site under a similar but different name, and found even more info in internet searches. Should I add to the lists on this site with what I know, or try to convince him to?

I am also worried that he is under watch by our own law enforcement for the activities she had him do including picking up money from Western Union to ship electronics, and other things. His bank kicked him out for making funds transfers and other "suspicious" activity on his account and he said that the last time he tried to make a transfer at Western Union it was denied. I am afraid for him since he kept the last batch of money they sent to him for the purchase and shipping of materials.

What else can I do?

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Re: Boyfriend scammed - not sure what to do

Postby Igulinka » Mon Aug 22, 2016 10:21 pm

concernedGF

Base on the "activities" he did for the mafia he became their accomplice. Unfortunately banks , law enforcement, credit bureaus have no mercy for money mules. Money laundering ( accepting counterfeited checks, accepting checks from other victims, accepting goods and reshipping it to the scammers) is punishable if person is found guilty of the offence. Scammers buy merchandises online with stolen from other victims credit cards, bank accounts... the recipients name and address will be associated with the fraud and never scammers info as there is none.

Your man should file IC3 complaint with FBI immediately as well as seek help at Fraud aid. Links as follow:
https://www.ic3.gov/complaint/default.aspx
http://www.fraudaid.com/ -->> SCAM VICTIM SOLUTION CENTER

He MUST BLOCK them and IGNORE no matter how hard it gets.This is not only advice of the owner of this site but also FBI.
Money is a root of evils and evil scammers will never go away on their own. Despite doing all what I was told they bothered me for the next three years, my friend got phone call after 10. So as you see there is no way to get rid off them . He needs NOT to open their mail, not to read texts , not to get the calls.

Last thing: scammers have programs and ask victims to install apps which let them mirror victims data, overtake the computers , blow the hard drives, infest computers and phone with viruses beyond ability to be repaired.
I know that from my own experience as they blew my own laptop plus my employers desktop. Please take the advice seriously.

Please post the : fake profile, email addresses, phone numbers, money requests, fake documents, stolen pictures.
Sorry to hear about all what this man is going through. Hope he will heal and feel better.
Confronting the scammer is WRONG!!! DON'T enlighten criminals with your wisdom. REPORT & BLOCK.
PHOTO VICTIM - "Do not confront the owner of the pictures, as they are victims themselves! You will only serve to further the terror and harm !" Silence Is Golden!!! I speak Polish.

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Re: Boyfriend scammed - not sure what to do

Postby concernedGF » Mon Aug 22, 2016 10:34 pm

Thank you. He is still in shock.

I know he reported to IC3 and was told that there was little chance anything would be done due to the volume of reports. I will have his computer checked out. It's a MAC, so hopefully it fared better than a PC would.

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Re: Boyfriend scammed - not sure what to do

Postby JulieNP » Mon Aug 22, 2016 10:50 pm

Many of us have had the same experience - he needs to just let numbers he doesn't recognize go to voice mail and delete, he needs to abandon whatever email addresses she has and start new. If like me, his phone number is integral to his job and changing the number isn't feasible again just ignore "she" will eventually give up when "she" no longer gets a rise or response. The threats are exactly that -there is nothing "she" can or will do.

I met a guy after my scam and after a few months I took a leap of faith and told him what happened. He never judged me or said anything unkind - in fact during our almost two years together he without question supported my baiting activities always jokingly asking how my nigerian husbands were.

Hang in there if you believe this guy is worth it...
Julie

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Re: Boyfriend scammed - not sure what to do

Postby Pinky » Mon Aug 22, 2016 11:00 pm

The only thing I might add to Igulinka's advice is for your friend to find an attorney and place any funds he's collected, with the attorney. It will most likely be returned to any other victims who might be able to establish a paper trail back to your friend's activities or at the very least be used by the attorney to help protect your friend from prosecution. With the amount of funds you've mentioned in this scam (which are not out of the norm), there will likely be some legal backlash.

Also, when larger amounts are involved, we have seen that either the 'cash cow' victim has been sold into a highly organized crime network or that the unlucky victim started with the pros from the beginning. What matters most now is that your friend cut the ties immediately. I would recommend he get a new phone number and definitely uninstall any chat clients and social media he used to communicate with the scammers. He should change all his passwords and make a new email address.

He should also warn his family and any friends that he knows personally, that his computer may have been compromised. This may seem excessive but it's nothing compared to what the scammers might already have access to. Imagine what criminals can do with $100K in a country where the average honest wages are less than $100 a year.
If your question isn't answered in the FAQ, please message a green Moderator or red Admin. We need to know.

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Re: Boyfriend scammed - not sure what to do

Postby Wingman182 » Wed Aug 24, 2016 6:42 pm

Hello concerndGF, just piping in on behalf of those men pinky had mentioned earlier. And before I say more I am glad the air has been cleared up some over that little misunderstanding. And I trust you have read the provided links. If so I hope you now have a better understanding about how scammers operate, and how victims can go through a period of blindness for a time before they can see more clearly.
But most of all it's the well trained criminals who are to blame for the crime, and not their unsuspecting victims.

That said I am sorry that your boyfriend is going through all of this trouble. But I am glad however that he has filed the IC3 report. It's nearly impossible to claim a victims status after someone has come knocking on the door. And I hope the legal speed bumps that are most likely to come will not cause you both too much heartache.

Other then that everything that needs to be said at this point has been said. But I will say that your boyfriends confession to you about his scam speaks volumes to me about his character. It took a lot of courage and understanding that secrets in a relationship are never a good thing to have. And if you can see this whole mess through I think you may have a keeper on your hands. Then again that is entirely up to you.

One last thing. If your boyfriend needs to talk about his scam, or what he is going through, or even the residual effects since his scam. Please point him here to this forum at R.S.
Mite help, mite not. But it couldn't hurt to try. At least here he will be around other who know exactly what he has been going through, because we have all gone through it ourselves.
And even if he dose not need any extra support aside from the support he is getting from you.
Please keep us updated on how everything is going. Because we really do care.
Wingman182 Pay It Forward

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Re: Boyfriend scammed - not sure what to do

Postby concernedGF » Thu Aug 25, 2016 1:26 pm

Thank you again, everyone. I am just trying to be there for him now and support him. I made all the suggestions here and it is up to him to seek help or not. The harassment seems to be dying down and I hope this means it will be over soon, but I still anticipate the worst may yet come. The last threat was that they were going to sick their lawyers after him, but I think it is an empty threat - what do you all think? He is not responding to any text or calls and still does not want to change his phone number. I am a lot more tech/computer/social media savy than he is and scanned his computer for viruses, malware, etc. and told him to not open any email at all he does not recognize. Thankfully he is not on social media, except match.com which ironically he met both "her" and me. He really is a very sweet man and this is actually bringing us closer. I wish I had the trust in humanity that he still has.

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Re: Boyfriend scammed - not sure what to do

Postby Wingman182 » Thu Aug 25, 2016 5:36 pm

concernedGF
The last threat was that they were going to sick their lawyers after him, but I think it is an empty threat - what do you all think?


This is a completely empty threat. It's just a ploy to try and manipulate your boyfriend to keep on paying. Once a scammer has a paying victim on the hook they do not like to let go of them easily, and will try anything they can to keep the money flowing.
Besides think about it. These are criminals nothing more. Do you really think a criminal would take any form of legal action because their scam victim will no longer send them money ?
Answer; A big fat NO !!!

concernedGF
The harassment seems to be dying down and I hope this means it will be over soon, but I still anticipate the worst may yet come.


I highly doubt that the threats will get any worse, but even if they do try just remember they will all be empty threats just to get him paying again. But they will never follow up on, or go through with any of them.
Something else to keep in mind. It's a side thing scammer do among themselves. They buy and sell victims information between each other. So even if this scammer stops another mat try and pick up your boyfriend by a different angle.
That's way we are trying to get him here. So he can learn about the little warning signs that the unsuspecting can miss but we hear as loud as cathedral bells.

concernedGF
He really is a very sweet man and this is actually bringing us closer. I wish I had the trust in humanity that he still has.


BINGO !!! KEEPER :D
Wingman182 Pay It Forward

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Re: Boyfriend scammed - not sure what to do

Postby cathy.white » Thu Aug 25, 2016 10:14 pm

I expect the only reason his bank and Western Union blocked him is for his own safety. Banks are told to watch out for people being scammed. Also for their own safety if they get into trouble for not looking out for victims.
I found this site when I looked for a mirror image of a man on Facebook who keeps messaging me, but he seems like a scammer.
I think I'm on a list for scammers to keep sending me friend requests. I told the last one that if they don't take me off their criminal list I will pretend to go along with them while I call Interpol.

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Re: Boyfriend scammed - not sure what to do

Postby Pinky » Fri Aug 26, 2016 5:18 am

Don't overlook the real possibility of a recovery scam. Warn him of that, especially. If you need info on recovery scams, please read in our FAQ, the link is in my signature text at the bottom of my posts here.
If your question isn't answered in the FAQ, please message a green Moderator or red Admin. We need to know.

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